Tainted Angel

FLAT!!

2005-05-08T16:00:00.000+01:00

we have a flat, C describes it as "perfect", but neither A or me has seen it yet. that viewing is saved untill wednesday.

Was considering going home to Glasgow though.... but i guess now im staying in edinburgh.

and oh yeah, i wandered edinburgh in my pjamas....
and no i wasnt drunk. the bar was having a pjama party, and i was sent out in my "kinky" silky pj's armed with perky (my little bear) with flyers.

the looks i was shot were irreplaceable. quality.

spent most of the night defending perky from the male bar staff who wanted her beaten up, and from three old men who wanted me to sell her to them.....

this is the new low my bar has reached. at the downstairs bar where i was working last night, there is a single ladies toilet, which gets alot of people pissed off as everyone takes too long.

well last night one girl took a little too long, and as she was comming out, two girls who had been waiting to go in, shoved her back into the toilet nd beat the shit out of her.

seriously, was awful, theres bouncers and bar staff everywhere, and still....

think thats why im so angry when i drink all the time. i get so pissed off at all the wankers etc in work that i cant be cheeky too, even a please and thank you would be nice. But apparently they dont know manners.....

and i cant even tell them to shut up when im clearly taking an order and they shove their hand in my face and say "i want..."

fuck what you want.

its s10's birthday today, and it was U's yesterday. U is 26 now and depressed about it. S10 is a healthy 19,

anyway. s10s brother is up, and for weeks he's wanted me to meet him, so i guess i better get dressed.....

FUCKIN KNOB JOCKEYS!!!!

2005-05-07T05:01:00.000+01:00

WANKERS!!! They did it! that little cunt carried out his threat!! now i have to pay like £25!!! bastards, have they nothing better to do with their time?!

What do we pay taxes for? to have the police act like pussys and shy away from the real crimminals and instead pick on party goers?!!

CUNTS!!!! (refer to March 21st)

FUCKIN KNOB JOCKEYS!!!!

Day two......

2005-05-04T15:44:00.000+01:00

And i feel myself failing dramatically.
NOT good....

this will be the last post for a few days, going back to my mums after i view some more flats with my ladies.....

I just dont know if i can keep this up! its day 2 and my head is pounding .its so sore. ok, well i guess i should go pack some things.....

mabey take some tablets.....

On the subject of the Diet...

2005-05-03T16:12:00.001+01:00

This is day one. And iv'e been strict.
Apparently this diet will make you lose 9 pounds in 11 days. Not the safest i know,

Light headedness and dizzyness are all expected side effects, but i simply do not have the patience to diet properly.

And i have to make this work.

I don't want to become the 'fat girl'. i was never fat as a child, just when my teens struck, Then i was modelling all the latest clothes in the Fat Girl's collection......

Okay, i'm not one of those girls who is skinny but thinks she's fat. slightly overweight would be the best way to describe it. And thanks in most part to excessive drinking and late night munchies.

So i'm taking controll. Or trying to . And its something that has to be done.

whenever im having a weak moment, ill log on and probably update.

In other news, we should be going to view a flat today, around 5.30 ish i think. and A has just come home, so its off to the flat asap.

and please people, DIET TIPS!!

On the subject of the Diet...

2005-05-03T16:12:00.000+01:00

The last night with Jenny...

2005-05-03T13:22:00.000+01:00

We were there in abundance. Very few were missing. The entire bar staff, the DJ, the bouncers (and my sexy one)

As the earliest arrivers, we few sat outside on the benches. was a stunning summer night. Still light outside, but with overhanging clouds, and a slight chill, which prompted little Jenny to light what i can only describe as "heat lamps"

I let myself be persuaded to buy 'one drink', and make it last. as i went back outside, it was raining, and my party of people had moved themselves inside, all crowding round a stretched out table, designed to fit around twelve people, but not to accomodate our number of 18 or so....

even though we were inside, there was still a beautiful summer atmosphere. every now and then people would move to talk to other people, the contents of the table constantly shifting.

I sat with big jenny. and she laughed at my reaction when i saw him, my bouncer

i almost died. inside, i hoped he would come,but dreaded it at the same time.

When he came over and sat at our corner, he just smiled, and stared for a while, untill i shot him a look and asked him "what?!"
he laughed.
and spent most of the night talking to Jenny, which kinda killed me, but at the same time, i know that i wouldnt pull him, or do anything with him on the grounds that he's a wanker. and of course, that i would never trust him.....

I told her to pull him, so many times, but she said he 'didnt want to'. by this time i had had eight bottles of cider, each a pint and a half each, plus many of cavavs tequilla and coke. so i dont really rememberwhat happened after thet......

only that she wanted me to stay, but i felt the night would only become more boring. so she told me she'd miss me, and she'd text, and we said goodnight.

i wandered off. i had spent the night with many people. talking laughing, consuming their cigarettes which i wish i had never done, although to be fair only three.
got along rather well with linn, the new sweedish girl. dont remember alot by that time though..........

Missed a call from RH. i wondered what had happened to him.. last i heard he was going to a party with some girl from work who was really into him. Well, he at least called me last night..

so i wandered off home down through the streets of edinburgh, the night was clear but cold, and the people populating them, thoroughly drunk.

Relief when i got home, shunned my clothes and climbed into my bed. my bed, the best place....

Why WHy Why??!!

2005-05-03T01:53:00.000+01:00

Did i have to get drunk?!

yet again im drunk. is it any suprise?
im always drunk.

okay. my sexy bouncer came out tonight. and helikes jenny. is it any wonder?

shes very pretty. just when he was hanging arond hr all night it made me realise that i have to seriously diet.

she knows hes my bouncer. but i told her its ok to plll him.

but really.......
why did i have to drink?! im so drunk rightt now!!
jenny was like`"dont go home, ill miss u!this is he lasr night we'll be together 4 a while and ill miss u!"

honestly?\i will miss her. but i guess every ne will.

oh, RH called tonight. i didnt answer cuz dint hear it. so much to write,but i cant see t he keys too well

later

Calling All!!

2005-05-01T05:39:00.000+01:00

Okay. I need help/support/encouragement/humiliation, whichever works best and i need it now.

I want to be happy with myself, and i'm not. The way i look kinda sucks to me, i don't like it.

I find to many faults,which i guess everyone does. I know i'll never be 'perfect', but i can try instead of letting myself go. this is where i need people. To enquire, to make me feel guilty if i cheat, just a response/feedback.

There are three main things i want to achieve, the first, biggest and most important
lose weight.
I'm not being 'paranoid' that im 'fat' or anything. But seriously i wanted to lose about a stone and a half before, but due to unneccesary excessive intake of alcohol i gained a stone and a half. Ironic huh?

So altogether, about three stone. to do this i have to
* Diet (grrrrr....)
*Go to the gym (fuccckkkkk........)
*Get a personal trainer ( I'm sorry, but my will power does not extend to being obedient to the demands of the gym!)

That is basically my goal in the next few months. To try as hard as possible. And i'm resolved. I must get there, to add to everything is my fear that i might be like my mum, who is (and i hate saying this,) overweight, and is very unhappy about it. But the older she got the harder it was for her to lose weight, and i dont want to become stuck like that.

Plus with my other two things (tan from the annual family holiday, and to get my hair done) I want to slap my ex's right in the face. for no reason except to be bitchy. It's the least they deserve.

And thats where i need people, anon if you wish, but seriously, hints/tips just anything to keep me going on this!

One more night won't kill me.....

2005-04-30T17:29:00.000+01:00

Isn't that the saying of like an alcoholic? or drug addict?

Well, it's currently my phrase. Having a goodbye thingy for some people in work. Should be an extremely good night out.

Wasn't planning to go....... That was untill Jenny pestered me non stop untill i agreed. Then i said i would refrain from th lure of alcohol

She is not pleased at that, and has sworn to get me drunk.

I know, wrong, shouldn't do it, etc. The sexy bouncer may even be there!

Currently a slow but peaceful day. If it wasn't so cloudy, the sun would be shining so much. Sitting at the window. Curtains open and the window opened fully looking out onto the familiar graveyard which doesn;t seem so bad after months of looking at it from my window every morning.

In a sort of Britney mood, like all her slower songs, 'Im not a girl,' 'Born to make you happy' etc.

Watched a movie about nuns today. i always remember wanting to be a nun when i was younger, but my mum would not allow it as it is a catholic practice, and she is very much protestant.

Going back to the gym soon too. Yup im dreading it, but it has to be done, even thinking of investing in a personel trainer.

I'm kinda in the 'nun' frame of mind. Don't want anything to do with men, or drink, smoking or whatever. Just want to be reserved for a while. I'm just so used to being out there, loud and crazy.......

Going to try and settle for a while. Mabey it was seeing CH, and her six months pregnant stomach. I don't want to be an old mum, but sometimes i don't want to be a mum at all.
Also like I hope to be married, but i sort of want to stilll be single and independent later in life.
Sometimes i want to love someone like i loved The Boy, and other times im proud to be able to live without one.

Speaking of The Boy, my mum has been speaking to him. He hangs around the little park, that was once our spot when we were together. For some reason lots of memebers of my family have been seeing him.

"yeah Angel, we saw The Boy today...."

My mum asked me yesterday

"someone told me this, is it true that The Boy used to shout at you and make you give him money from work?"

Yup

"he was always far too rough with you, wait untill i speak to him again, im going to say to him....."

She doesnt understand though. He was rough, but he was also nice when he wanted to be. And i was always perfectly willling to do whatever he asked.

I once spent £80 for a gameboy he wanted. Of course, i never got the money back, and my mum never found out. If she had, she would kill me.

Thats something else about loving someone, you neglect everything else for him.

I lost most of my friends. Almost lost my family.. All for one boy. Well i did firmly believe we would be together for ever.

2005-04-30T05:35:00.000+01:00

So just home from work again. Saw the sexy bouncer. He cornered me and we had a little play fight when we thought we were alone.

Of course, some people saw. They disapprove. Most people agree that he is probably a Bitch. I think he most likley is too, yet I can't stop myself liking him.

I know nothing can come of it-it's harmless flirting. If something did happen between us and it got nasty, one of us would have to leave, and no man is driving me out of my job.
Mabey it's the "Bad Boy" appeal. I know he more than likley is very bad for me-one not to be approached. But its his sexy accent, his nice hands, hair, cute little smile...... and he's tall! big time imoprtant. and older.
However, still there lingers a feeling that the entire bar would know of our bedroom antics, and the people in his other job would also hear of the tales. And of course, not forgetting the drunken women throwing themselves at him all the time.
And the encouragement from the other bouncers to "get in there" with some random slut who gives out her number.
To be honest, most people find neglect a slight turn on, well, perhaps not a turn on, but it makes people more desperate and they try to cling onto their relationship. It's like recieving a gift.
Unpackaged gifts, no wrapping or box, just there in front of you, is like a man who is openly honest and hides no secrets. You still get the gift, but the "Bad Boy" gifts, (although the same inside) has more appeal.
Its packaged and boxed. You don't know whats inside. It's the anticipation of getting through all the wrapping to reveal the gift inside is almost too much, and the shiny paper and fancy box make it almost look better than the nice unpackaged gift, even although the packaged gift may not be as nice as the unpackaged.
While the nice boys are right there, the Bad Boys put on a front, like the wrapping paper, which you want to get through and are desperate to get inside.
That really did appeal to me at one point. Not now.

I really just want a nice boy. For some reason, although I don't know him, this man i thought was perfect. Today the park with CH, some guy jogged past and smiled. Thought nothing except, wow, hes cute.
20 minuites or so later he joggged past again and said hi. so I said hello back.
walking out of the park he appeared again, and we both looked at each other and sort of laughed a mutual laugh- i don't even know why we laughed, we just did.
It was just like a wierd click.. we didn't speak, but i felt i liked him, and he liked me.
There was no slurred and pathetic chat up lines. No leering, groping, forcefulness,misinterpretations of 'no'.........
It was just nice. A stunning summer day, with the jogger.
I smiled all the way home because of that. And all the way on the train. And all the way to my house from there. And all the way to work from there...........

Revenge of the Ex

2005-04-29T20:44:00.000+01:00

ok, WTF?! i have to go through all this crazy stuff and can't get onto blogger!!

yup. he has slightly pissed me off.

during my "last night drunk so lets get as pissed as possible" night, HE (RH) called me

"hey angel, just to say, um don't call me tonight because GG (ex) is here and shes drinking"

again WTF?! why is he telling me this?
theroy of the party "hes trying to make you jelous"
my theroy: i have no idea

then he called me again a few nights later. started rambling about how some girl in work gave him her number on a tissue with lipstick marks and "call me" on it.

and oh, to add to this GG drank the remaining half bottle or so of vodka i left at his house. bastard.

saw CH too. even though he is her brother, she seriously dislikes him. Even more so now because he pissed me off...

"The Lesbian Kiss"

2005-04-24T18:31:00.000+01:00

2005-04-24T18:21:00.000+01:00

Tatoo!!!

forgot to say i will be (hopefully) getting a tatoo on my inner thigh which B has dubbed "The Lesbian Kiss"

Ouch, i hope its worth the pain!

2005-04-24T17:28:00.000+01:00

woken by the phone this morning, I was dreamily under the impression that i had already picked it up and was talking into it......

untill i realised that it was still ringing

Okay, normally masturbating is ok- i get`the desired conclusion, however it is nothing amazing or earth moving, and i usually manage to do it quite discreetly without anyone else knowing.

i hadn't done it since my spilt with RH. Untill last night......

it was just like any other time, except at the end. holy shit

I was so loud, its good no one was home, because even though i tried to, i physically couldn't be quiet.

It was just so unbelievably loud. I think it may have been that even though i was fucking RH, he couldn't make me come. But then again, no man has been able to make me come.

It's so frustrating that i don't orgasm, and i think D.I.Y time just let out all that frustration. was just so fucking 'Oh MY GOD'

Going to see David tomorrow. HUH?!

he's been all texting and stuff, mostly to see if i would fuck him. But after many non-successfull attempts i think the boy has come to realise that there will be no hot and horny adventures under the covers..........

In fact, there never were. we had no where to go, so we always fucked outside! Mostly in parks, and once got caught by three men

(the shame!)

2005-04-24T05:31:00.000+01:00

so while i'm sitting here, already awake and just home from work, i might as well write about the nights happenings.

Firstly, i'm really quite upset. I've been working in the Bar for about six months. And there are people there i like, and others ive grown to love.

the loved ones are
jenny - going away
cav -moving to Australia
patrick - still here!
paul (boss) -Gone to our city!!
abi - getting a better job
scott 1,2,3 -thankfully still here
lauren and lisa - already gone

these really are the people i most love about my job. tonight Paul left. He told me he wasn't happy here, and here was something he liked about me-turns out were from the same city, and he could see it straight away.

I don't know, he kinda reminds me of my dad, and also of the kinda guy i would want to settle down with, well when im older than 18 anyway!

had been dreading the end of the night. and after the traditional cover-them-in-the-most-amount-of-rotten-eggs-milk-fish etc` he kissed and hugged us goodbye.

but before he left, he whispered to me that if i ever wanted to go back to our City and needed a job, i've to go to him.,

that nearly set me off crying. i like the people in my life to be stable. one of my weaknesses is that i learn to love people for who they are way too fast. And then they leave. And i don't know why but it hurts when people leave.

just, it's like you build up something with someone, and although it's small, it matters alot more than it should. And when it's taken.

okay, im going to stop being depressing!

on the upside (or downside, guess it depends how you look at it!) Pauls girlfriend went onto Labour! he had to promptly drive to our City.

oh, my sexy bouncer was hanging around tonight. Usually he stays at the door, but tonight he was over alot. spoke to him a little, he just spent more time trying to unclip my bra with one hand- which he claims he is able to do!

Got a missed call from RH and texts from U. U wants to see me tomorrow and RH, well, he was probably drunk.

Plans for tomorow? The football game is on. let's hope we kick their ass.

later

2005-04-23T18:33:00.000+01:00

There has been a terrible shock ripping through the hearts of those who know me.

After the wildly drunken nights iv'e had this week i have decided that the alcohol must stop-at least for a while.

I used to be fine when drinking, but i'm now one of those angry drunks. Thursdsay night A and J and to pull me off about four people. i seemed to want to fight with everyone

I can't help it, i just get so angry for no reason. was in the toilet waiting. Started talking to this Irish girl next to me, and she was bitching about one of the toilets having a padlock on it. This pissed me off, and within two kicks i had kicked the door down, it flew off the hinges. Like the entire door wasn't connected to anything, the padlock was on the floor and the door was lying on the ground.

The funniest part was the cleaners look of shock when she saw it, and screamed "who did that?!"

Miss Ireland and I made an exit.

I will get into so much trouble one day. Like someone pushed A and i went crazy. screaming and shouting, "wtf?!" i wanted to kick the shit out of them. the wierdest part is, i don't remember what they looked like.

apart from that it was a good night

Went to see U. Told him about my night. He thinks that im angry at myself and life. He's right.

People see me as independent and a strong person. I do what i want and don't let what anyone says bring me down. I've been doing this for so long, i've always had to be better that everyone else. Mostly its because I push myself to be, and also because, despite everything, i always try to be bettter than all men.

Just sometimes, it gets hard, and so much to handle, and i want to cry so much, but i can't. Physically and because i don't want to. when i was younger too, i didn't go throught the 'angry teenager' phase. I was pretty much ok.

hm, i suspect its comming back now! stand clear for the moodswings people

2005-04-23T17:06:00.000+01:00

New layout?!

2005-04-23T05:02:00.000+01:00

RH is no more. I broke up with him on Tuesday. Happy? I would think so.

Except, okay this is wierd, but i feel guilty about dumping him. When we were fucking before i dumped him, he said i i love you, twice.

And he has said it before. However when i asked him about it later, he was all i don't know what your talking about.

okay. as much as i love blogging, ive just got home from a rough night in the bar tonight. Some guy was seriously intent on pulling me while i was out selling Jager. Had me backed against the wall etc

And there is far too much to bitch about right now. it's like 5am, the Fuckwits upstairs are playing their music too.......

Got to get some sleep!

2005-04-19T01:19:00.000+01:00

some boys are there to tempt you, but shouldnt be approached .

gym boys being one. like chocolate cake. they look good, smell good but are very bad for you.
i had my gym boy, and he was hot. probably the hottest boy ive ever been with. apart from his stunning body, he was hot, great smile, just one of those boys that you look at and think "God Damn...."

Bouncers are also out of bounds. in work, Jenny and i have our bouncers, ones we've selected which we think are hot. shallow yes, but fun.

recently me and my bouncer have been working together alot, and i was suprised when he asked me back to his house.. thinking he would be like the gym boy, i refused.....

Good thing for me. Turnes out i was right about him.

what is it about some men who think they are gods gift to women?
gym boys, bouncers, lifeguards......

they seem to think they can have anyone they want, and they viciously put down the women who dont meet their "standards"

ive been having problems with RH. basically, the boy has some personality, but i don't connect with him too well, and find him boring.....

Jill seems to think that I have more personality than the avrage person, and need more exraordinary people to really hit off with, and RH isn't one of them....

On top of that, is this boy's lack of sex drive......

Generally, when he's drunk, the sex is very good, but sober, he only lasts about ten minuites, and it's always me who mounts him.

The last time I stayed overnight with him, I sat and waited to see if he would go for me....

shame for me i was waiting all night. I didn't even kiss him untill i left the next day! And he didn't even try with me!

It's like he doesn't want to have sex! I know he wanted to go through a period of celibicy at one point, which i simply couldn't handle.

I hate having to jump onto him all the time, i'm just horny all the time and just want to be fucked hard all night...

But of course, no.

okay, i once went through a period in my life where i didn't have sex for two years, so the fact that i can get it, but i'm not getting it is becoming a little too much for me to handle.....

on the plus side, the last time we crashed at Campbell's i broke in the 'Sex Cupboard', which I have been dying to do....

Was up visiting S10 to see how his holidays were, and i got a suprise drunken text from David. Small talk ensued, and concluded with:

"My house on Wednesday is empty, if you wanna come up and do stuff?x"

Which in his language is "Do you wanna come up and fuck?"

Sorry, been there, done that, and he has a small dick.

Most people go by the phrase it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean, but in his case, he's lacking in both departments....

Well, plans for this week, going out tomorrow with RH, Wednesday with either Campbell or Sev, and Thursday, will be seeing A and J for some serious drinking.

Well, I have to calm my libido somehow....

2005-04-15T16:16:00.000+01:00

okay, first of all, thanks for the posts, and the very helpful hint about my 'problem'!

how long have i been gone for?! basically finding it hard to get time to go to a net cafe, but found a very local one, so expect mucho updates!

okay, where to begin? the men in my life seems to be the hottest topic right now. some point last week, i crashed with sev, we went to the cinema together, and had a drink, the usual.
Sev generally is one of those people where you can't tell whether or not they like you in 'that' way.

he does seem to be genuinley interested in the situation with RH, which is wierd because he always askes about us. but to the point. was staying overnight with him, and we sat up talking. the more we stayed up the less tierd we got.
something he did compelled me to rip the covers off him at 4am, and then he pounced.

slapping hitting punching, in a playful way, and then he started to bite me. neck arms, hands, any area that wasnt covered by the trousers and t-shirt i had borrowed. three exhausting hours later, i was tierd, sore .......

and had three huge lovebites on my neck.

i did tell RH the entire story, but i really think that he didnt believe me.

i think i really pissed off RH. we were out for a while, but i had to leave because i had a party to go to that night.

so, dressed as little red riding hood, complete with cookies in a basket,i made my way to the party. however, RH seemed to be ever so slightly agitated, and made some mumbled comment. so i invited him along.

We mingled, or should i say I did, he sat depressed looking and really putting a downer on the party. safe to say i swallowed my alcohol with post haste on arrival.

chatting to Jill. Campbell's flatmate. she was pissed, realy pissed. and tried to pull me. quickly pushed her off me. stunned, she asked what the problem was, i told her RH being my boyfriend and everyhting was sitting in the same room!

"fine". the next thing i knew, she was over there asking him if he minded, fuck him, i minded!!
okay, yeah mabey i should have told her. i am inclined that way, but shes my friend, and it seemed really akward. on top of that, she has a very long term boyfriend, lee.

despite this her toungue penetrated my throat. i pushed her off though, giggling, and suggesting (desperatley) that we go get a DRINK.

Hell no. this bitch wasnt going anywhere.

sometime during the game of tonsil tennis, i opened my eyes to a fair few boys watching wide eyed and opened mouthed.

me: "excuse me do i know you?!"

boy 1: "erm no...........is that your boyfriend over there?"

me: "uh-huh"

boy 1: "fuck me, hes one lucky guy"

my reply was cutt off, as was my supply of oxygen-jill had re-attatched herself to me.

feeling quite pissed off i jumped up and derclared i was going to the toilet.

"ill come with you" fuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk (okay, a fight has just broke out in the net cafe!)

the toilet had to be the worst. she shoved me against the wall, started feeling my ass and tits.

"oh my god Angel, your so hot. fuck me, i wish i was a lesbian"

me: "lee.....?"

Jill :"fuck lee"

then she started really getting into it, seriously moaning and rubbing. ten minuites later i was out of the toilet and running to safety.......

she hasnt mentioned it since, though RH, although at first saying to Jill that he didnt mind, was really quite pissed off at me for a few days. he got over it though, and said whatever i did to him, he would do to me, although the Jill thing wasnt counted.

and so i have kinda fucked him over. one of my best friends, U, who i used to work with asked me to work with him again for a couple of days.

i used to like him, for like three years,and he liked me, but we never got together.

i used to think he was hot. tall dark and sexy. but fuck me, i wasnt prepared for tall dark and fucking sexy.

hes been working out, lost weight and looks soooo hott. seriously. i was horny as fuck. problbly because the past few times ive seen RH his dick has been in hiding. we havent slept together for ages, and i was really wound up.

during the whole shift, U kept coming close, treasing me, and leaving. the shop was small and hot too, and when serving a customer, hed touch my arm, or my hand. i was dry mouthed and horny.....

in the car home, he kissed me. real hard, and jumped in the backseat with me.

fuck i wanted him soo much. i could feel it, i was horny and really really wet. he was hard too. kissing alone had steamed up the windows of the entire car.

i felt so guilty though. and i got out the car.

upstairs in bed, was horny frustrated and feeling like shit. i had been planning to dump RH anyway, but still......

the next night in the car was no different., only this time he took his dick out. i was so tempted, but i cant fuck one of my best friends, can i?

well i didnt, not that night. he might come over on sunday though, as i wioll be home alone, not sure thats such a good idea though..........

2005-03-21T22:03:00.000Z

Something has struck me. How long does it take the police to send out letter/fine/warning?

I have been a very stupid girl…….

Obviously, I only have a few months left here before I have to find somewhere else to live….

So it doesn’t help, that I am expecting a letter from the police….

At one point recently, I was pissed, again, and out at a party. Deciding that we had spent enough time there and there were many other places to go that night, my friends and I headed quite innocently out…

Walking along with out bottles in hand, so drunk, we thought nothing of it, swigging freely from the plastic bottles of cider. Until we were suddenly set upon by an absolutely huge huckle van.

From the van jumped 5 or 6 vicious looking policemen, the biggest one growled “drop it”
My little party of people put the lids on their drink and put it on the ground, a drunken me however, held the bottle as high in the air as I could reach, with no lid, and “dropped it”
Well I was doing what he asked, wasn’t I?
When it hit the ground, it span and shot cider everywhere. And I stood there, a stupid look on my face, and very, very drunk
The biggest one marched over to me “do that again and I’ll arrest you”.
What the hell?! “Well you told me to drop it” I snapped back
“Do you want me to arrest you?!”
“What for? I didn’t do anything”
“Right”
And out came the handcuffs.
“Oh no I don’t think so!” and I struggled out of his grip. He took my name and address. Is going to send out a letter or something.
“Next time I really will arrest you”
And then they drove off. To be honest, I think they couldn’t have arrested me, there was no female officer. What, were they going to do, manhandle me into the van? I think not.

So im now waiting for a letter, which I might have to reply to, but I might not be here.

Fuck.

Oh well…..
J won’t be living with us next year, basically there aren’t any nice six bedroom flats here, so if she lives with someone else, then she will have a nice flat, and we can have a nice five bedroom flat.
Sad to see her go though. Will be weird living without her.

Campbell. Currently he is waiting to set up his own business. Like putting on plays and band night etc…..
Of course, one of the plays he wants to put on is his own, “war cry”.
He did this for advanced higher drama. He wanted one of the original actresses to pose for the advertisements, i.e. moi, who was a slut lap dancer extraordinaire.

It was fun, went to the studio, and took pictures, almost topless with angel wings, and others in some very slutty clothes….
There being developed, should be ready on Sunday. Campbell will put the “acceptable” ones on the poster, and the ‘other’ ones, the less acceptable, on the website….

Im going to photocopy them and put them in a book at home… should be quite good.

Still talking to RH. Going out with him on Sunday.
Keep thinking that mabey, I might have been wrong to not give him a proper chance, one of the things he always said to me “angel, you better not dump me”

I know he did really like me. Always told me, he liked my “cute nose”, “perfect ass”, “really nice tits”, “ pretty eyes”, “gorgeous mouth”…….and we got on really well too, we make each other laugh, and he thinks I have a really great personality….can I really afford to throw away someone like that, who genuinely doesn’t just want to break in my underwear?

He was hesitant, never really wanted to have sex, it was always me who initiated it. He told me that he had waited a year for me and he would wait another…..

I just can’t see him in that way, ive known him too long.

Met up with CH too, saw a scan of her baby; she doesn’t want to know what it will be until its born, makes it hard to buy presents!

Sev has been pushing me off a bit though, ever since I started seeing RH, he didn’t think it would last, but he hardly even spoke to me, we used to talk every week, and go out whenever we had the chance.

Think I should call him at the weekend… not to ask him why he has been kind of nasty, but just in general, to see how he is.

Cant wait for Sunday, a night out is long overdue, and ive just completed my week of detox! Still have a few alcohol-free days until Sunday though….

One thing occurred to me, I have never gone out and got wasted with RH, even though ive known him for so long.
Anyway…….xx

2005-03-21T21:19:00.000Z

okay i have been gone for far too long.

honestly? i got very sick. had to spend over a week in my fucking mothers house. drove me insane.

something happened, i got a throat infection and an ear infection.cunts. my face was swollen like a cunting chipmunk with a serious disease. had a constant headache caused by the ear, and a shooting pain right through my ear.

the doctor gave me pills to knock me out. and i spent the most part of the week asleep.unfortunatley not the hungover sleep.

on the upside, the internet is now fully functional in mi casa (yay!)

also, not sure about this news, but RH and i are back together......

we were both at a party on sunday, we were drunk and inevitably pulled.......

he also said his friends 'approve' of me, (like i care) and one of them was going to try it on....

snuck back to his house once again.......we kinda fucked, by that imean we did, but we didnt really finish it. RH wants to go through a period of celibicy. what?!

ok, it is veryvery sweet of him and i agreed to do it,but it was unexpected...

and so i now talk to him most days....

but i am back in edinburgh.such a relief

okay, dont get me wrong, i love Glasgow, but i just missed edinburgh. i was attacked when i got home. R and A practicaly mounted me. and squeezed me so hard i almost died....was nice though

J has just got back now. she went home for a while. she bought gingerbread men from Newcastle! which i am currently munching.

oh, yeah, have to include an entry that i wrote up sometime last week but never posted.

2005-03-09T17:40:00.000Z

okay, been gone for quite some time.

thye reason? ive been having the best sex of my life

RH, the boy has stamina. and he knows exactly what he's doing.....

last week sometime was out with him. walking home, had nowhere to stay, ended up sneaking back to his mums again, on the way there i pulled him into a close, made him fuck me right there and then on the cold stairs......

got back to his mums, and the whole house was different.

the rooms have been rearranged, so that he now is in CH's old bedroom.

memories....

of the days CH and io would stagger in pissed , stoned, always hanging out the window for a smoke when her parents went to bed......

didnt feel right fucking him on that bed....

apart from the deep down wrong feeling, that bed squeaks, really squeaks...

it got rough too, he was fucking me so hard i almost told him to stop, but it felt so fucking good....
you know when its so good you want to scream out, but your body just won't let you, and then you just want to die because its too much??

we didnt sleep, just went all night, right through to the afternoon....

getting away was easy this time, only 2 of his sisters were at home, so i managed pretty well, determined not to do it again....

of course i never quite managed to achieve that. was there two nights ago, lying on the couch, were having a quiet night, was really horny though, began kissing him, that really hard way to make sure he knew that i was horny......

he quickly slipped his hands down my trousers and fingered me, i pulled his dick out, wrappped my mouth around it and sucked it .....

i rode him while he was on th couch....the first place i met him

he pulled me down in front of the fireplace, spread my legs and began fucking me, really hard, and deep, and fast and long, for hours.......

lying afterwards, warm inside, warm from the glow of the fire, tingling with satisfaction........
i then broke up with him.

i didnt intend to when i met him earlier that night, just something happened, i looked at him when he was fucking me and realised, i didnt have an attraction, just a really good friendship, and some fantastic sex.....

but it hadnt slipped my mind, during the orgasmioc sex, he whisperd "i love you"

at first, i froze, didnt reply, i dont think he intended for me to hear it, but later he told me there was something he had to tell me, he said that he told me already, but i never heard it......

now he says he cannot tell me....yet...

were trying to be friends however.....

anyway, so much more to write, but im using s10's computer.....

hope everyone is doing good! xXx

2005-02-21T13:27:00.000Z

RH came to visit and stayed over on Wednesday.

R gave me a knowing look when i emerged.

the party on thursday? safe to say it was a mess- vodka jelly was in demand, and the supplier i.e. moi, couldnt keep up with the orders. partly because i was drunk, partly because i was drinking all the vodka jelly, or at least trying to, and paryly because there simply weas not enbough to go around.

still, i managed to find some smeared on the door....

everyone was quite thoroughly wasted, balloons popped, no sick people however.

JB was also there. spent a suprising amount of time taking to me thsat night...... also found it amusing to lock me in the cupbourd....

...and i thinik R was drunk??!!

three of A's friends from her class were there. all male. were going to all go to a club, but they wanted to go early, i didnt. insisted on waiting for A.

however they managed to coax a drunken me out of the door. and i was stuck with them for alot of the night. had it in my head that if i ran they wouldn't follow. wrong. i spent the best part of thet night running, and the rest being grabbed by one of them and being swung around him with his arm around my waist.......

he insisted on rubbing me up and down because i was cold......... i was drunk for fuck sake, i never feel cold.......

all in all a fabulous night, went home with B, who took my hand and guided me out. we linked arms all the way home, some random guy slid up next to me and slipped his arm into mine. excuse me do i know you?

apparently, i didnt. was faar too drunk however and was rescued by B who insisted that i was going home with her.

Subject of RH. Ch has warned him to 'be nice' to moi. he stayed over on Wednesday, more confessions came out......

he apparently 'stole a picture of you from Ch's room' and had promised that he would never tell me.
his mother has her suspicions, always has. told him that he was a 'disgrace' for being with GG (his now ex), but liking me the whole time....

anyway, under the covers on wed night, and i was soooo horny.. we did fuck, mabey eleven times or so. however.....

we were started, fucking and all, and then we would go to change positions or something, and....well....let's just say the titanic struggled to stay afloat.....

i thought it was me, beut according to him, it was me, but it wasnt me. i didn't quite understand what he meant....

for what i got though, it was good. He told me that i tasted nicer than anyone, really spent alot of time there, licking his fingers afterwards of just going down.

talkng about why have anal sex. i think he said he had, but people do it because its tighter than normal sex. he doesnt have to try and have anal with me, really tight already according to him.....

FREE CONDOMS. bombarded with them trying to make my way here, they had a hunge poster up....

"what did you get for valentines day?.......

A GREENISH-YELLOW DISCHARGE"

must say, it was quite good......i took some, i know they'll come in useful later....

its RH's week off this week. so he may be up.....confided in s10 about the little 'problem', and he explained it all to me, how because he has been waiting for this for so long, be gets embaressed and is afraid that he will fuck up, and so also puts himself under pressure. and because he is so convinced that something will go wrong, he becomes again embaresssed, and like i say.....sank.....

im sure it will be much better next time, but if anyone has any advice.....send it this way!

Ch may be moving into her house today....she has a scan of the baby.....blah.....i really want to see RH again, very horny......

last time i saw him, i was getting very worked up, but he turned to me:

"angel, this is more than just fucking for me"

didnt know what to say......

he tells me im beautiful, perfect, amazing. and i dont know what to say back, its a little heavy since weve only just got together, its like i want to see him, but i dont because of the things he says....

ah well, ill with cold........ try to be better.

comments? thank you. advice? muchas gracias!

More David B

2005-02-16T14:26:00.000Z

More David B (hopefully!)

2005-02-16T13:20:00.000Z

there has been far too much developmet in the recent days to even contemplate trying to sum it up here.

but i will tell of the most framatic development.

CH. ive been in contact with her brother RH for quite a few months. nothing heavy, much more along the lines of idol chit chat.

sunday the 13th. he wanted to see me.
he had previously let it slip that he was now single. thought nothing of it, i had known him a year and nothing had come out of it, so there was no reason to think anything, despite how much i wanted to.

we met up and had some drinks.
after a much entertaining night, i had to go home as i had quite obiously missed the last train.

as it happened staying with mother dearest did not go to plan. so RH's great idea was to "sleep in the maids room"

his house is huge. having nine children in the family it would be. so big is the house, that it stil has a maids room. a tiny little room right at the top of a set of steep stairs.

he rang the doorbell and i hid. his mum opened the door to let him in, but he stayed outside, telling her he had to finish his smoke. 4 cigs later she was still bouncing through the hallway, obiously curious as to why he was still outside.

she went upstairs and he pulled me through the door with him up to the maids room.

we lay down on the blankets and the space that we had. i shook with cold and the alcohol leaving my body. he put his arm around me and laughed, turned me towards the wall and puled me closer to him.

we talked for a while, turned to face him, eyes heavy with sleep i didnt notice how close he was to me, untill i looked and he was staring right at me.

and then he kissed me. slow at first, like he expected he to push him off and he was just testing the water, but more and more and more.

and then it came out.

he had liked me for over a year, the fights with his ex were to give me a chance to intervene. he denied it to everyone. spoke to me about how he hated me staying with his sister,ch, couldnt stand it.

i told him how id liked him, told ch, told a few people about it, but would never dare say because of her

he ran his hands all over. muttering how beautiful he thought i was. he pulled off my jeans and underwear. laughing as he felt something

"whats that?"

it was a cross on the front of it, made of little diamonds.

removed my top, and i his. for a long hime he explored everything, almost in disbelief, but like he didnt want to damage what he touched, never pushing too far, always comming back to kiss me.

he ran his hand down my stomach, and gently put his finger in. and another. and another.he wasnt harsh, very gentle. too gentle.i started to demand to him what to do. he followed my every dictation.

he went under the covers. i felt his breath on me. and then his toungue, massaging my clit, he knew what to do. i wanted to shout out, moreso when he put his toungue inside. and out again, back to work, he was building pace.

i pulled him towards me and he kissed me deeply. i could taste myself on him.

i lay him down and removed his trousers. almost frightened by how well equipped he was. i kissed it up and down, put it in my mouth. staring slow, and going faster, slowing again and going over the tip with my toungue, speeding up again.

i heard him moan, push me further down.

"don't stop"

i thought i heard stop. and pulled away. he pulled me towards him and kissed me some more.

i was on top of him. we imitated fucking, his dick rubbing me, i was going insane.

having nothing with me didnt seem to bother me. and gently he pushed his dick in.

it hurt. stretching me. it didnt help that it had been five months or so since i last had sex, and my boyfriend was about three inches and had absolutley no idea how to use it.

i started slow. going ever faster. i had to let go. i so wanted to. but it was not the place. i had to calm down. we switched and he lay on top of me.

he slowed down. being easy and gentle. i calmed too. my breathing slowed, and for ten minuites, it was nice.

i pushed him off. realised that we shouldnt. he smiled down at me and his alarm for work rang.

he lay me down, stroking my head and kissing me, telling me he thought i was 99% perfect, he liked everything about me.

"theres nothing classicaly beautiful about you...........but theres someting strikingly stunning"

what he meant i don't know. didn't ask.
i slept happy.

woke up to CH staring in my face

"oh my god"

Me:(laughing) sorry

CH:what happened?

Me:stuff

CH:like?

Me:well i cant tell you

ch:he came up and was like 'hi how are you? how do you feel?' and then he told me 'someone' was downstairts that i had to see. he made me guess, then he said it was you! i sat right up. i guessed something happened and asked him if he was going out with you. i think he said yes. but your my responsibility now.

Me: okayyyyyy...... so how the fuck do i get out? the window?!

Ch:(laughing) i dunno, but there not at school today. RH must have forgotten

oh holy shit

Me:FUCK!!!

Ch:haha, i know.

she went downstairs to try and remove her many family members from the room. i became more and more awake. at one point she was arguing with her mum about a couch or something which had to be collected.

she shouted

"oh my god!!!!!! what am i meant to do?! carry it on my back or something??!!!"

i almost died of laughter. almost got caught. the thought of what would happen to me kept me quiet.

she had to tell her brother simon, and he was like "what??!!

he likes me, ish. used to come into CH's room when i was there and try and soak us for fun.

whether he stayes quiet or not i dont know....

after about an hour and a half in the room, and after seriously contemplating going out the window, Ch came in and told me to run down. i did, however at that point her mum came to see her. was two feet away from me.

she demanded "what going on?! youve been in here six times already!"

two more seconds and she would have turned aorund and i would have been finished, Ch grabbed me and swung me out the door, and we both ran full speed towards the front door, bursting through as she called "goodbye"

almost choked with laughter outside.

unfortunatley i did have to spend the rest of the day commando as i dressed in haste, but unable to find my underwear. did get it back though..........Happy Valentines Day

he called me last night for three hours., then text "goodnight beautiful" just before i fell asleep....

Ch is pregnant. definatley. saw her bump. shes moving in with her bf sometime this week. caught up with so much stuff that we hadnt told each other. God ive missed her so much.

will be seeing more of her when im back..

came home to a little box of chocolates and a lollipop, both heart shaped, from B next door. so cute.

s10 came down for like an hour to talk. told everyone in the flat, and a few other people. s10 is happy for me. as he was about to leave, he turned to me

"you know what 'angel'? im really glad to have you back. really missed you"

it was soo nice. hugged and told him i would speak to him later.

Amy from block 5 has been in touch. wants me to come around more often.

J's sister is staying over. this is the girl who gives blow-bobs in the street-long story- but J's theroy is that she isnt quite as mad as me, so i cant judge!

Party tomorrow night. then out. A's 18th birthday. thinking ill make her some vodka jelly?! she's sure to appreciate it. i really don't know who she wants there. she came in:

"'angel' you had BETTER NOT BE WORKING ON MY BIRTHDAY!"

good thing im not..........

anyway, faarrrr too much written. and RH is comming over today. to finish what we started?.......... xXx

2005-02-08T21:45:00.000Z

just some more........

David Boreanaz

2005-02-08T20:26:00.000Z

seriously though, it's been too long.

Friday night. having nothing particular to do, called on s10. spoke to him about C next door, who he has had the biggest crush on for months. in the flat was H9, andi, ed and ewan, oh, and G9, the adultery boy. all were drinking and were going out.

H9 and ewan however decided later that they would stay, as they wanted to get intoxicated with me.

we had a fucking riot.

armed with much alcohol and sitting in a flat whos owners were absent became too much for Ewan and myself, and with no one to stop us we let loose around the house.

the kitchen. we filled various 'beer' bottles with salt, water and other components to make it resemble beer, put a lid on it and stuck it in the fridge.

placed post its all over the flat:

*bathroom1-the wanking cupbourd
*bathroom 2-the slasher
*ed's room- the drinking machine
*JB's room-the cool one
*andi's room-the randy scot
*s10's room-the sex god aka sex machine
*front door-the hardcore porn filming studio

empty beer bottles re-housed to his top drawer
the cherry drops became washing-up-powder coated
his boxers pinned to the wall
his calender defaced with various 'events', among them, "choking the chicken for the first time"
filled a condom with milk and water, hung it on his door.

when he returned and found all the items, we couldnt move for laughing. the condom disgusted him, and so we told him it was H9 who had masturbated, and later taped it to the inside of the intercom handset......

ewan later dragged me off to a party, and at one point i lost all the alcohol, but he found it-telling me i had left it in the washing machine.

was quite good. met a really lovely girl, that however was one, but the rest......

whore bitches. in the worst sense of the word. ewan introduced me, but every single one of them just looked me up and down. i was not impressed. and they knew it.

apparently i kept shouting and wanting to fight with all of them. ewan kept me calm, well ish,. and told me that me and the girls from my block were way hotter than them, and thats why they were glaring at me.....

spent alot of time speaking to H9, about JB.
couldnt get much out of him because he was drunk, as was i, but he did say that
*JB is shy, and has low self esteem.
*he thinks i can do better than JB

later on, he came in and said "yeah, um they all dont think i can pull you" and moved in close. i laughed and backed off, and told him to do the little 'kiss' where you lock your hands together and suck your thumb, so it looks like your kissing them, but you arent.

didnt hang around to see if they believed me or not. ran out. um think i called loads of friends from home.......

went out later to meet A and some others from my block. they all left, except me and A, as well as a few of her friends from home.

had a passing out episode on the pool table, woke up and engaged in a conversation on how to find one's g-spot. or more correctly, how do men find it. A and i confessed there and then that we had never experianced the pleasure of an earth shattering orgasm, and A declaring this right in front of her ex's best friend......

we smoked and drank. alot. A and myself swapping between the smoke and the shared drink.

told A about the flat problem, and how i may have to find somewhere on my own.

"oh my god no. you cant go! youre, your my 'angel', i cant imagine living without you!!"

i am aware she does want to live with me, but it is the girls next door imposing which is making me hesitate to ask....

the bouncers in the union were eyeing us alot. i noticed. and A did too.

later when we got home, we continued the discussion about g-spots.
A:yeah but do you not think that you can do it better yourself?

Me: haha, so much better, none of them even knew where to begin to look!
A: well, i have to do it myself all the time

Me;yeah me too

later on while making tea before going to bed, she turned round to me, and said exactly the same words CH had said to me before:

"'angel', in gagging for it!!"

its great. somehow all my friends are able to tell me how horny they are, without feeling uncomfortable.
honestly, i have to get sex soon, i dont even want to think about what might happen if i dont...
but i will be firm, and the ex(s) will not cross my mind......

went to the edinburgh dungeons on saturday. it was really good. me and J, her boyfriend, R,A,and Kieran.
had alot of fun, some of the torture equipment made me slightly sickish.....

and s10 told c. last night. she didnt say naything. they spoke some more, and he left. okay, i dont think shes hott, but s10 lies her. anyway, was pissed at the fact that she didnt even reject him, all she did was say 'aww, you're so sweet'.

ffs woman, tell him straight. personally i think she wants the attention, s10 is a good friend, and i just dont want him messed around.....

went to see nic last night for a little gathering thingy.

the house was soo pretty! and it was a proper house, with a living room and everything, very unlike my habitat.......

there were hott boys, like really. one did smile at me alot, but there was another, from inverness, stunn-ing. he looked like my total sex god, David Boreanaz, but hotter. http://www.menwallpaper.de/zgallery/8_Celebrities/A_-_E/Boreanaz_David/David_Boreanaz.jpg

R and i shared our old scrapbooks. it was really good, we got kind of closer than before, and then she made loads of pancakes!

okay. i have more to write, but the library will close. later

2005-02-04T10:54:00.000Z

fuck. again i have let myself be seduced by the dirty little nicotine stick.
Speaking about the flat business again. No one is exactly sure what they are doing. A doesnt know who she wants to live with.

oh, fuck me, i saw JB this morning. Was outside, smoking away, when he came out. he did speak to me, but it was only to scold me for my filthy little habbit.

J's room ceiling is being painted. Apparently it needs done, however, the whole day all i heard was talk of how absolutley stunning the painter is reported to be. well, must be back in time for the event.....

met s10 too. apparently, little Ben is not feeling welcome here at ENP, and he would like me to go down there and talk to him. honestly, the boy is not well liked, but i did put him to bed once while shit-faced...

anyway, s10 said that i "always make me feel welcome". cute. so he thinks i may be of benifit to Ben.

to be honest i just want to go home and sleep. four hours just is not enough, a girl needs her beauty sleep.

2005-02-03T19:49:00.000Z

I am steadily becomming more worried at the prospect of having to move from the student flat.

Basically, i thought i would once again be shacked up with J and A, however, B and C will also be there, along with lorraine.

i have no problems with these people, but altogether that makes five, and i know that if i go with them, that will be six people, and a six person flat is a little hard to find......

i have not as yet spoken about me moving with them. i was speaking in general, and J wishes that ahe could pick some people from different groups (including me hurrah!) and put them in her preferred flat.

doesnt quite work out though does it?

i know that they would be more than happy if i came with them. it just so happened the arrangement came when B and i were not exactly on 'speaking' terms.

may speak to nic about moving with her too though, going out with her on monday night. should be fun.

if not i can always go flat hunting and end up living with the randoms. i mean the girls im with now, i didn't know them when i moved here.

ah being so boring right now, trying to update the blog. you like?

Suburbia Sex Addict

2005-02-02T16:28:00.000Z

Suburbia Sex Addict

2005-02-02T09:23:00.000Z

completely exhausted. no matter what i do it seems that the expensive electrical appliances will always get one over on me.

the phone that i bought for £100 which i had already replaced due to its persistant and severe bouts of p.m.s? well the new one is acting up too.

the new laptop has had the entire windows programme deleted from it now im quite sure. not only that, but it refused to play cds or dvd's right from the outset.

i am the typical woman when it comes to all things electric- give it to me, make sure it works, but do not expect me to even atempt to do any work on it because i will fail with astounding success and will do so so spectacularly that Jade Goody will begin to resemble a female Einstein.

set about doing my essay last night. was up untill 6.30am, slept for two hours, untill 8.30. still not much done. S10 will be sure to have a word with me. he was over last nigh, seeing how the work was going.

he is concerned about me, nothing seriour, just because i am the ultimate skiver and no matter what i always seem to get through.

sometime in the first semester, Andi from 10 came down to my door after a night out and we went to his flat. there were a few people there at the time, and after a few hours of topping up my already dangerously high alcohol level he walked me back to my door- and tried to kiss me.

the story i recieved: im really sorry/just took a break from my girlfriend/really like you/but if you dont see me like that it's alright.

the acctual story, uncovered last night: no he did have a girlfriend at the time, and oh yeah, the reason he wanted you to come up that night was because he wanted to fuck you. but don't tell him i told you.

why have i now become the ultimate attatched-man magnet?

G9? little girlfriend back home i had no idea about when i was up in her boyfriends bedroom at 4 am?

U called me last night quite late. it was a welcome distraction from the French Revolution.

he was, i would believe, rather horny.

i was telling him how my drawr full of condoms needs to be desperatley empited to save my sanity, and once again he was like:

"so if i was there, would you jump on me?"
no
"but why not?"
ive known you too long
"surley that would make it better?"
no, i dont see you like that
"believe me woman, i would go down on your pussy, and you would be akward at first, but after two minuites you would be holding my head down screaming at me for more"
any man can make a woman orgasm through her clit, it's the g-spot you all cant find
"can i find your g-spot for you?"
no
"your scared"
not
"i would take you in every position untill i found it and made you scream my name"
(laugh)
"so will you let me?"
no. but im so fuckin frustrated, i just want to grab someone and drag them to bed
"if i was there, would you drag me to bed?"
(laugh) no
"what would you do if i came up, ripped off your trousers, pinned you to the ground and started fucking you?"
silence
"you don't want me to, but still, you do want me to"
no i dont
"yes you do woman, i know you. so when are you going to suck my dick?"
dont be stupid
"why?im not. woman. i want you.always have and always will. its as simple as that"
so have you spoken to that girl who is into you?
"your trying to get rid of me because you know i want to tap your fine ass"
yeah ok
"im serious"
whatever
"would take you doggie style man"
(laugh)

and thats how the conversation went for the most part. im honestly not sure how long it has been, perhaps five months or so?
well, the itch most definatley needs to be scratched.

JB. not seen him at all. H9 apparently laughed when he was told, "she likes him?!"

do not forget, this is one of his closst friends. mabey its a male thing. they always seem to put each other down.

honestly was so bored last night. and tierd, so i did what i had been meaning to do for a long time. i waxed my top lip. the fresh pain kept me awake, along with the usual bout of sting that comes with it.

been meaning to find a time suitable to do it when no one would see me for a few hours. last night. perfect.

unfortunatley, there is work to be done. x

2005-02-01T19:45:00.000Z

p.s if you are unable to read the entire post, click the 'refresh' button

2005-02-01T09:39:00.000Z

the pierced fucktard has made himself known.
and i have not responded. do you blame me?

went to work, adn the comments were flying:

bouncers: oh my god, is she acctually walking in a straight line?! (snigger/giggles)

:can you remember me having tohold you up?

yeah at one point you were using me as a post to keep yourslef from falling

we were sitting on the couch and i STILL had to hold you up

the trauma of that night still continues. as for the boss and the dj. the boss appears to have no memory of his dirty little deed, and the dj went out of his way to say hello to me, to keep the peace between us im sure.

the weekends party was unfortunatley cancelled due to jills cunt boss forcing her to work despite the fact that she had requested the night off.

it has now been moved to this week, however i will not be attending as the January slump seems to be fading and we are getting rather busy once more.

instead of doing nothing this weekend, i met up with sev and ryan, and we were going to visit the strathclyde union. unfortunatley on arrival ryan was the first to hand over his i.d. to an eagle eyed bouncer who spotted quite rightly that it was infact fake, and was promptly confiscated, leaving him brokenhearted.

met with campbell later and decided a night at the pictures wouldn't be quite as boring as it sounded. or to tell the truth, because ryan was in a bitchy mood and he wanted to go.dont get me wrong,i had no objections to going, just his attitude was nasty.....

had a few drinks before sneaking some into the cinema.

team america. hillarious. highly recommend it. what with its scene of me on a drunken night and a late night puppet porno show that movie had everything you could ever want, however every one of the characters sounded like cartman from southpark-when his balls have finally dropped.

stayed overnight with sev. was nice that ryan wasnt there however. our history might have made it an unwelcoming situation...

we sat up untill about five or six. just talking about nothing much, laughing alot though, giggling about the holiday in spain, and talking about all the people we miss from there but who we havent been able to keep in touch with.

the only people who have stayed together from the holiday are myself, sev and ryan.

i left the next morning, and literally as you walk around the corner from his house U's shop is bang in fronmt of your face. i had no idea they were so close.

went stalking the streets for a taxi to relieve my feet of the stelletio pressure when his uncle approached us. to be honest i do not remember seeing him at all from the holiday, but he seemed to know me,finding it okay to ask the question "so are they still carrying you home then?"

ah, well,he must have gotten to know me rather well..

staff meeting was last night. fire drill. problems etc. and i later allowed myself to be coaxed out for a drink, and was not-so-heavily persuaded to indulge in some nicotine kindly offered to me.

since they were cleaning the pipes at work and so emptied out all the beer, and i had drank some mixed with lime to make it bearable, i was quite drunk when i got home. which was not to good for the already late essay i was due to pull and all nighter to complete last night.

collapsed in bed. woken later sometime in the night by a phone call from U.

said one day he will turn up at my house and get me "fucked on whatever intoxication im on"

i look forward to the event.

at work we were for one night only blessed with the presence of the hottest bouncer ever encountered. we seemed to meet up quite alot during the course of my shift, normally bold and not held back, i ditched my usual self, and cowered in the presence of the superior fine male specimen.

abi however, being the assistant manager, had her contacts, and without doing it herself,managed to use her feminine wiles to get his number and snare him for a drink without him even having a clue who she is. jealous? moi?
damn right.

how is it, that people can, by doing exactly the same thing, make you feel good one day, but make you cringe the next?

for example. going to the station:

"alright darlin' "
"gie us a smile"

*shudder* and quickly move on feeling my being has been violated

comming to uni this morning, a parked van erupted into whistles as i scurried past, head down wishing with all my dignity and self respect that the humilitaion would be over

on the train. the young and quite hot man selling food gives a low whistle and looks right at me. its not sleezy, but i smiled at him anyway.

sleezy would be when i was walking home, a speeding van passed me, and hanging out of the window was a man,who shouted back to me
"BLONDIE WHAT YE FONDE AE?"
i broke into a smile and giggled. sleezy yes, but mabey a girl needs a little sleaze in her life.

2005-01-28T11:45:00.000Z

it has finally come to my attention that in the five months that i have been here i have completely and utterly rejected my body.

i feel ive shrank my liver so mush so it now resembles a dried out fish
im finding it as hard to breathe as trying to get chewingum out of my hair ive smoked so much
and i most definatley overindulged in the holiday season.

moi........is not best pleased

went to join the gym and stayed for a bit. it was sooo good being back there, however after twenty minuites i began to realise that it might be a little difficult getting back to my old regime of GYM GYM GYM, which has sadly become a non-existant factor in my life.

also vowed to avoid alcohol, which shocked J a little too much, and i began to regret it as saturdays party promises to be a truly spectacular and most memorable event. and i will be sober. in theroy.

personal trainers are no where to be seen in the uni gym, and so i booked an "assessment". basically a look at body fat etc.

was quite pleased that i had booked it, untill ten minuites of walking later, i revived the card from my bag to look at the details, and oh dear god..............

the instructor, is stephen.

sweating like a junkie in the chemist.

to start at the beginning....

a while ago, when i was still resident in glasgow, i was at the gym with anh. we decided after the workout to go swimming at the pool downstairs.
suddenly the most stunning boy appeared before us in quite a sexy uniform.

in the changing room, he cornered anh and asked if i was single and if he could have my number. i was, and it began.

we saw each other for a while, as he was due to move to edinburgh to attend university, even saw him once when he lived here for some unmentionable 'sessions' in his bedroom.

soon lost all contact.

untill my prom, wandering around in my stunning lilic dress, completley pissed though, who do i see after four months at the party getting off with the ugly (michael jackson look-a-like, and no, im not just saying that) school whore?

the one and only stephen.

i procceded to wander the party clearly upset, was stopped and forced to engage in therapudic 'whats wrong honey?' sessions with linzi, lindsay and kirsty.

while outside, his friend came over to speak to me. unfortunatley for him i was in no way interested and procceded to scream 'fuck off!' every time he began to try to console me.

he did nothing wrong however, was just cleaning up his friends mess.

that was the last time i saw my ex. that was the situation i left us in. i now am panicking that the former gym employee may have yet another job at the gym which i have joined.
and will be guiding me on my assessment.

fuck anyone?

of course there are lots of stephens and it's quite possible that im being paranoid.
however a few weeks ago, i had the feeling that this would happen.

moving on.........
the fucktard i pulled has not called or text thankfully
H9 knows amd i saw him yesterday, however we waved at each other across the street.
he was also with G9, which is another quite long story with he and myself....

sadly i am not the proud owner of a strong will. i really need much encouragement to keep myself going at the gym.

but pray for me people, that i am not a victim of deja vu?

2005-01-27T16:40:00.000Z

colin murry. he was the dj last night. famous for presenting shows on radio1.

came out of the shower. A went in,showered and went into her room, to listen to colin of course.

suddenly heard banging on my door, opened it and A is standing there, much in the same condition as i, towel wraped around the head and towel covering our essentials.
she franticaly broke down and exitedly informed me that colin murry gave a shout out on the radio to

"A the glaswegian redhead" aka the exited girl in front of me at that point.

also discovered that night she had asked colin murry, who is due to marry in about one week i think, if she could be his mistress. he replied with a smile and a wink.

A also informed me that it is possible to hear it again on the radio 1 website.

thought that lttle piece of news was rather fun...

2005-01-27T11:21:00.000Z

okayyy...

went our with the ladies last night. was a good nite, well as good as it could be considering that i was determined that i would not get legless, but instead would enjoy a happy glow of semi drunkeness.......

some famous dj was there, all the girls were acting like retards around him and i distinctly remember there being a huge floating spaceman?

just realised how completley amazing all the girls are. were hardly known each other five months, but are such a close circle of friends now, especially B, who after the incident with G9and myself, was a little nasty towards me. not last night, she stroked my face in a very nice way at one point....

had some funny shots, like fiery shit,

also. dancing away, every thirty seconds i felt my ass being violated. talking to J later in the toilets, she informed me that there was a sort of queue behind me, and so she promptly whisked me to my safety.
never before in my life have i realised that men are such retards when drunk, or perhaps that was because i wasnt all that drunk. ended up pulling some guy mike, who yes he was hot, but couldn't kiss for shit.

he was also that kind of drunk where he seemed to forget everything he had said and repeated:

whats your name again? 2x

what uni are you at again? 5x

what you studying? 3x

you know i was at uni for three months......(long conversation ensues) 4x

you know, my dad used to work..... 5x

so where do you live again? 4x

was throughly exhausted.

he had one of those hard little toungues and rammed it down my throat and began to rotate it in a circular motion. then to my shock and horror discovered something in his mouth- a toungue piercing.

that really grossed me out.
he then went on to present his nipple piercing.....

tried to escape, however he had dragged me up to v.i.p. away from the masses-and my friends.

of course i knew they wouldnt leave me and called at the end of the night. i gave him my number and left.
god i hope he doesnt call....

to return to the matter of JB. not all that sure i should be trying with him, but now s10 knows, J and A know, and ive given s10 permission to tell H9, one of JB's good friends.

he is quite hot, but for some reason thats not what attracts me to him....something wierd. i just look at him, and start to get horny lol
or mabey im just sexually frustrated and need someone to take it out on.......

was talking to A about ther night we went out. and i completley forgot about the best chat up line we heard all night which simply MUST be mentioned:

"is your name gillette?......."

".......because your the best a man can get (cheesy grin from him)"

i do however remember giggling for at least 20 minuites over that.

before going out we procceded to lorraines rather fabulous party, and F and her boyfriend were there. i said hi, but couldnt keep the smile off my face, especially with J's re-inactment playing in my head......

2005-01-26T10:16:00.000Z

indeed it has been quite the most eventful week.......

friday morning campbell came to visit. as in usual fashion we got pissed,on vodka jelly and some very cheap whisky.

went upstairs to flat six to introduce campbell. the smell of weed was evident before i even opened the door.

lots of us went out that night, and guess what? the jumper i lost last week was thankfully recovered. the girls who were working last week were off, and so i found myself talking to them, with one of them apologising and saying that she should never have served me because i was so drunk....well.....

anyway, we had a REALLY great night at the gay bar, with me mesmerised by the fact that the dj was a DRAG QUEEN! i was sooooo in love with him that night.......

also had to rescue campbell from the prying eyes of a very dirty old man who seriously wanted to take him home.......

ended up pouring a bottle of water over a guy. he basically threw fruit pastels at us to get my attention, but in a drunken whirlwind i thought that he did it out of sheer bitchyness and procceded to march over there to start a fight. we sorted it however and i left......only to be greeted by him ten minuites later when he pulled up in a taxi:

he:(cuddle) hi

me:hey

he:(leaning in a bit too close) where are you going?

Me:home

he:oh, wheres home?

me:over that way somewhere

he:um, ok, well bye

gets in the taxi and drives off.

went back to the flat upstairs and seriously hit the giggles. the weed must have been very strong in that house.....

laughed as laura was locked out, but her flatmate was fucking andy in his room, and she couldnt go in

but oh my god!
the staff night.........spent loads of time with big jenny, more with her than with anyone else. we bought cigs and smoked cigars (what the fuck??!!) drank alot.
the highlights:

*comforting little jenny about her breakup with cav at new year, for absolute hours in the toilet

*being in the toilet when various girls took a slash

*organising a 'girls night' and having them all sign a piece of paper which is currently on the message board

*helping lauren as she threw up

*laughing at noel for being completley out his face

*looking at jennys pictures of a mouldy dog (yes REALLY)

*freaking out at the dj for calling me tidy and continually refusing to remove his hand from my ass

*freaking out because my soon-to-be-boss tried to kiss me

*freaking at 'the guy from work' about the whole thing

*being taken home by the guy and him having to zip up my jacket for me.........

*being bit on the arm

*apparently called U in tears about what happened with the dj and boss

*shouting at him because i couldnt hear due to a bad reception

*passing out while still on the phone to him

*making pasta and after deciding that i didn't want it, put it under my bed, still in the pot

didnt feel too bad though......

been up talking to s10, and ive decided that i do like his flatmateJB. like REALLY like him.......

s10 thinks that i have a fair chance. apparently he came home last night and threw up on his cd player......

f from next door. she has a nice boyfriend, seems all quiet and shy. however, sitting all nice in their flat, when suddenly erupting from the shower:

"uh-uh-uh-UH-MURRY!!!!!!"

ok dear, i know you like to have screaming orgasms from the top of your lungs but the flat was full of people. controll yourself woman!

i giggled about it all night......

so not looking forward to work though,

have a party tonight though followed by a trip to some club. perhaps JB will be there? i dont know, mabey ill get him drunk lol......

2005-01-19T15:59:00.000Z

just checkin something.........

tainted angel

2005-01-19T15:53:00.000Z

tainted angel

2005-01-19T13:23:00.000Z

have always dreaded trips to visit hospitals. most of the people i go to see i do not know very well, or have nothing i can say to make them feel better.

such was the case this week when i visited my grandad in hospital.
As we were entering the ward, we saw an elderly man leave. thought nothing of it.

twenty minuites later however, it was discovered that he was infact, a patient. i watched with growing amusement as the reality of the situation became clear and one by one i watched the nurses faces drain and quickly become panic stricken.

from there they quickly organised themselves into teams, swiftly sweeping the hospital corridors for the geriatric escapee , all the while wiping their foreheads as sweat trickled down at the prospect of the word 'sue'.

A good fifteen minuites later, the man returned.

stressed and red faced, the nurses ran to greet him, or rather pull him into the office with post-haste for a strict 'word', all the while the little old man was innocently protesting

"i was only at the shops for a newspaper..........."

must have been the most amusing hospital trip ever experianced...

2005-01-18T10:31:00.000Z

okay, does anyone still read this?

of course i write for myself, but can't help if i become curious....

thursday night was awful,drunkest EVER, threw up, fell over LOTS, blocked my bank card, lost my friends and found myself lumbered with some fucktard for the evening, went into my work that night and a few days after was declared a "fucking riot" by my boss, passed out in the kitchen and later refused to go to bed as i was convinced the fucktard was still there, my body continued to try and throw up although there was nothing comming out, couldnt sleep my stomach hurt so bad, sang in the hallway all the way to my room, fell over in my bedroom, collapsed half dressed into bed, set off the fire alarm only to be rescued by plump balding firemen.

the next day at work everyone had something to say, including the bouncers.......

saturday night was a definate improvement.

went to the union intending to meet my friends there, i went along with A and her friends, later met my own friends who left as one party member resembled myself on thursday night.

joined A and her friends most of the night and the drinking games began with giddy exitement.

to be perfectly honest the drinking game is simple in construction, but extremely difficult as we drank more.

oh god, i found a pole on the dancefloor that id never noticed before. we then procceded to mount the pole like bitches in heat unleashed for the first time.

met some of the guys also. hung with them for a while. was chatting drunkenly away to one of them when his firend leaned over and whispered in my ear that he had a girlfriend.

wasted no time in whalloping him across the face, much to the amusement of his friend who later confessed to making it up.

also stood by as one guy took a slash in the bin for about a minuite and a half. the rest of the guys gathered around to protect him from prying eyes as if it were perfectly normal.

in amongst the crowd i found a guy who used to work at my work, but left and is now convinced they hate him.......

dancing away later in the night, i realised that i had wandered off again, but had one of the guys with me.we danced and he went in for the kill, which prompted me to sprint to the toilet for refuge.

unfortunatley for moi he wasn't going anywhere and followed me.

comming out of the toilet just as i was comming in was A, who was grabbed and dragged into the toilet by me, begging her not to leave me with whats-his-face.
she didnt for the rest of the night.

everyone left excet the two of us. we talked-alot.

you know, the drunk talk? mostly filled with "i love you!" and the like

(p.s. im not moving!!!!)

A was telling me how upset she was when i said i was leaving, and how happy she was now.

it had been decided at the end of the night that we would make more of an effort to go out together.

as usual the consumption of alcohol in my books is almost always balanced out with a cig in the other.

having none however, i had to borrow some, rewarding the givers with a kiss on the cheek. one such man was not satisfied and swiftly turned his head to catch me full on, much to the amusement of A and myself.

dancing away could feel someone behind me, didn't really try to see who it was, just turned smiled, and A and i staggered home.

spilled drink all over the couch and went upstairs to pester the guys for even more cigs

was a very fun night. the talks A and i had. thinkin i told her some a-bit-too-intimate details of my lovelife.

sunday night had arranged to meet with sev, but was so tierd i couldn't make it. campbell also called to say he was having a mini party and to come along.

so couldn't make it....

then david text-the ex. was dj ing at his friends party.

fuckrag kept asking if i could come up and see him. i told him i had other plans, which at this point i did and he resopnded:

"na forget it. u keep blowing me off.wen u lived here it wasnt a prob. now that your away, its wenever suits u"

what the fuck is he on about??!!

was so angry, i never arranged to meet him, i thought that when i moved that would be it, over with us to happily go our seperate ways.
just so angry that he just expects my time and loses the plot when i cant go........

okay, im calm.......

U is also being a problem. we sort of began to get nasty in our texts. but it was a playful sort of nasty.
he called later, and as we were talking it came out that i told him the only was he could ruin our friendship would be to tell me that he "loved " me in that way, but apart from that he couldnt do anything.

but later.....

"dont start me. just shut it and dont text me eva. or i'll destroy u and whatever friendship we hav left, if we hav any left"

was somewhat disturbed by this alarmingly vicious text. and i havent heard from him since. should i be worried? he's probably just playing with me like he always does.

ooooohhh! campbell has moved and is having a huge party this weekend. got to get off work tho....
want sev to come, feeling kinda bad i ditched him.
also got a call from ch. rare occurance these days. she wants to meet up, and shes been ill without knowing for ten months. kidney infection or something.

would want her to come this saturday, but she will probably bring her boyfriend, which would annoy campbell greatly, and news of her then-pregnancy has escaped.
not sure if she is or not.......

2005-01-13T19:59:00.000Z

finding a problem, in that im very 'late', and been feeling sickish of late.

don't think i can be pregnant, the last person i fucked was my ex in a park about 4 months ago. still can't help but think, there have been some nights where iv'e woken up-and can't remember exactly what happened the night before.

ivs decided (sort of) that i would be much happier in the halls than in a student flat.

broke the news to my flatmates. J and R reacted with quiet shock, J informing me that she didn't want to force me to stay if i didn't want to, but asked if i would be living with them next year.

A however exclaimed "what?! oh my god! you can't!!"

was quite touched by her i must say........

met s10 and adam from block 7 also, who both decided that they also did't want me to move.

why do i want to move? i think it's mostly because, my type of people are practically non-existent in our little residence.

i like to party, alot, and that has died out among the occupants of our block of flats.

should be drunk and disorderly tonight however, planning to go on an escapade with adam and co.

on a happier note........
J's boyfriend sent her a text, consisting of the phrases:

"i love you"

"your my soul mate"

"i don't want us to split up"

this all at two in the morning, exited screams from J,A and myself unfortunatley awoke the sleeping R.

her good nature however responded with a smile.

2005-01-12T13:20:00.000Z

so tierd

despite doing practically nothing all day

woke up, missed a lecture (fuck) almost missed a tutorial, but when i got there found out there forcing us to go to a museum today.

SO not in the mood........

on the upside,. the second semester students are here, and there were only two of us in the tutorial today, the rest either forgot, or most probably got lost.

there was me, and a really quite hot american guy. was sitting there thinking how nice it would be to just fuck him for a few months untill he left for america again, the no strings attached sex for a few months.

looking at him closley though, i thought he might well be a virgin.......

but then again, it would be fun to break in a virgin boy, or at least i think so, its good for you because you found yourself a part time fucking partner, and its good for his self esteem, let's face it, most 18 year old virgins are dying to lose it. would be doing him a favour.

there is some rather bad family news however........

my grandad (mothers side of the family) suffered yet another stroke.

this is quite possibly his sixth stroke, to be honest i've lost count. doctors think that he won't live past this one...

i spoke to him just before i left to go back to uni when he was healthy however, he seemed happier than usual.

my mum is not doing too well. shes an emotional person in general, and she's become very upset......

okay, not going to bore with the depressing family issues.

j and i were going to join the gym today. however i didn't return home after the tutorial and she wasn't home last time i knew, guess it will have to wait.

recieved a text from the guy from work. he was much more casual in his messages, however was prone to frequently asdking the question

"did you miss me?"

safe to say that did not recieve an answer.

Xx

2005-01-11T10:09:00.000Z

new colour.

been a while, no?

sent home early from work on friday night, acctually after only 45 mins.

was convinced to stay for drinks-again.

resulted in me becoming rather legless, again, but iv'e come into a problem. the guy from work, the one who always texts me, was being more hands-on than i would like.

happy that he was there hes a nice guy and all, but by the end of the night his hands had wandered to my rear end, and he was very flirty/cuddly with me.

on the way out one of the bouncers shouted 'just ask her out already!'

not really looking for that to happen, just not my type. he text me and asked me to go out and watch the football with him the following day,apart from the fact that i was still sleeping at noon having worked untill 5ish, i wouldn't have gone anyway, not to be nasty to him, but i dont want to give him the wrong idea.....

work the next day was full of those little comments about things you seem to have not noticed when you were drunk

"sooooooooooooooo, how about you and him.........."

was basically the topic of conversation all night.

one of the australian girls left. really quite upset, it was wierd how friendly we were getting, fast. i think im the only girl she acctually hugged when she left. strangley teary, was a bit of a downer, no one else was really affected though.....

staff night out and the drinking competition will commence at 7.30 on monday the 24th Jan.

speaking of, heard a funny story about S, my competitor. after i left the night we were drinking, he threw up- all over the bar top, and continued to throw up so much australian girl 1 grabbed him by the neck and tossed him into the toilet, where he landed perfectly head first into the toilet and stayed there for about an hour.

his girlfriend at work had to take him to her house and she slept on the sofa.........

was not amused for the next couple of days

so back in the flat. was visited by s10.

j came back with news..........she has taked a month 'break' from her two year boyfriend whos at Glasgow uni, and they will decide at the end of the month whether or not to get back together. mostly now she sits and battles with the phone, trying not to call him.

there is a guy upstairs she likes, a1, unfortunatley a1 has an extreme obsessive crush on a2, who also has a boyfriend at cambridge, although she has cheated on him several times with a1.

so far been to every lecture, see how long i can keep this up! last semester was a mess though, i didn't do anything, was so worried that theyd hold me back a year, to be honest i probably deserve to be, but i am going to work at this this semester.

been talking to ch. old drinking partner, one of my best friends, untill of course the fateful day that best friends secretly dread-she met her boyfriend. dont get me wrong, very happy for her, its just that he soon becomes the best friend. anyways, she used to get along good with his sister, but now shes moved back in with her mum, which is the last thing shed want to do, because his sister is acting like a bitch.

she hates the relationship ch has with her bfs mum, and the relationship she has with her boyfriend, not entirley sure what happened, but she text me:

"(she) got 2 jelous of our relationship,she wants to b the 1 gettin the cuddles n kisses.mad boot. was kewl until she became a junkie .still nice to my face btw.shez also jelous of me n her mums relationship.eud luv 2 fling her out the window. xx"

little nice bit of bitching.......

u called me again,. i don't know what the hell was up with him, he kept saying 'i wanna put my head between your legs...'

he was being that kind of nasty all night, as soon as we'd finished talking and i'd hung up, he'd call after five minuiteed and in amongst the 'norm,al' conversation, he kept saying it.

sent me a text that night saying, 'just really would like to (fuck) 1 time with you.'

the next day he did apologise though, i just don't know that was up with him, he has a girl who likes him, and they both don't want anyhting serious, but he doesn't want to for some reason, even though he keeps going on about how much he wants his dick sucked,preferably by me.

told himits never going to happen. but he likes to keep hope alive......

xx

2005-01-03T15:05:00.000Z

happy new year!

although i was working the new year was certainly not lacking. arriving straight from the train station, i had no costume to dress in as we had previously decided to do so.

there was a nurse, two devils, and everyone else had dressed in 'nice' clothes. to my rescue however, came australian girl 1, who had a police womans outfit which she allowed me to borrow.

while i do enjoy dressing up and making an idiot of myself, the outfit brough much unwanted attention, especially from a man, who was infact a policeman, who insisted on stealing my hat several times, before grabbing me and procceding to swing me around the dancefloor like a squirrel on speed, and letting his hands embark on a wandering adventure all over, much to the disgust of myself and my manager, who had him promptly removed from the club by two 'friendly' bouncers.

i was on the recieving end of much protection from the bouncers that night, from one in particular, who insisted on having words with every man who did as much as look at me in the wrong sense.

to complete my outfit i found, while on the floor collecting glasses, a blue flashing light, somewhat resembling a siren, which i attatched to my policewomans hat, and was told it looked 'fuckin brilliant'.

for the bells, the staff were entitled to a half hour break, and a drink of choice. vodka of course was mine, but thrown in also, we drank a bottle of champagne, and the assistant manager but soon to be manager, climbed on top of the bar, presenting bottles of various schnapps and shots, holding them upside down for us to run under and try to drink.

patrick insisted on doing mine.

P: alright come on

me: ok, just don't get it in my eye

P: yeah i bet that's not the first time you've said that!

safe to say i couldn't consume any alcohol on the count of a fit of extreme giggles.

the champagne really went to my head, and i think i was tipsy on return to the bar.

and so officer 69 got home to an empty flat around 7amish.

had to work again the next day, but got off early as it was too quiet, was exhausted from working on new year and was prepared to go home when S said he, some others, and australian girl 2 were waiting behind for a while to have some drinks.

i did decide to stay, it was two for one cocktails for staff, and the assist manager presented us with some free shots. having no change of clothes, i had to cover my work badge, which i did with a sticker saying what else but my new nickname at work- 'dirty weegie'

S and i drank much, he declared that i was a 'shandy girl' which i discovered later to mean lightweight. i was very displeased at this accusation as i know full well that i can handle extensive amounts of alcohol, and i do think i remember placing a £20 bet, that i could outdrink him.

it will commence on the staff night out and the first person to throw up loses........

the dj also played a song for me, and announced it over his speaker, to my drunken delight, and to my embaressment, i hugged the dj, but have no idea what i said.

left work to go to another club, fully intoxicated. they required i.d, having none however, i procceded to inform them that i worked in a bar, ripped off my sticker, and thrust my badge forward.

they let me in, but i think it was more to do with the amusement they recieved from readink my 'dirty weegie' badge than anything else.

later, i remember leaving, but not getting home. have absolutley no idea how i got back, i just blanked the journey home.

next day with a pounding hangover residing in my head, heard the shrill of my home phone.

U. friend/old collegue of three years, calling to see if he could visit. had no problem with that. was akward around him at first, but slowly more comfortable. we talked for hours, literally about six, got restless and fought for a while, kicking, punching, screaming and laughing freely as there was no one else home.

later, lying down exhausted. he lent over. and tried to kiss me. i wasn't akward about it, just pushed him off, and gave him a look. i think he was slightly embaressed about it though.

he used to say to me, that i trust him too much around me. it's not the first time he has tried though, but it was years ago, and he said it really knocked his esteem. so why did he do it again?

despite that, it was extremely good to see him.

hit hyper active mode when i arrived home. went to bed around 1 ish, but couldn't sleep. my 13yr old sister and i, in the dark, jumped on the beds, screamed, laughed, stole from each other and generally acted like 3 year olds most of the night. it has been so long since i had been like that.

uni starts back very soon. will have to get used to living woith R,J andA again. were still practically strangers

so,hope everyone had a good new year, and didn't wake up in bed with someone they shouldn't have..................... x

2004-12-29T17:49:00.000Z

while i do appreciate comments, i would like to apologise if it seemed that i had 'glorified' my hangovers, this was my last intention, and hangovers are nothing to be glorified, but when i go out, i do it properly,and more often than not, the day after does consist of a hangover.

also to mention that it is the holiday season, and since im living away from home it is not often that i have a proper chance to spend time with my friends back home. when i do return however, there are quite alot of parties and 'social gatherings' as well as nights out and nights in. with socialising, among my friends, there is usually much alcohol,and we indulge freely, i don't usually drink as much,and will return as normal when i start next semester.

but do remember, 'tis the season!

in other news, went out with sev,ryan, and some other guy called sev who i don't know too well. the sev i know well was renamed 'good sev' and the other 'evil sev'.

went into town to a sports cafe, and good sev was very much in the mood for taking shots, and so we ordered some, however, the bartender (we found out his name was stephen) inquired if we wanted a 'suprise'.

we agreed, and he then procceded to make up the most random shots, i.e vodka and schnapps, jack daniels and midori, tequilla midori and cream (?!)
they were shot of all shapes and colours, half the fun of the night was trying to discover what the shot was composed of!
was very pleased with them.

ryan was wasted after only 2 rounds. good sev and i managed to survive.

eventually did get kicked out, however that was due to lack of sufficient id..............

i did manage to attain 15 or so of the 50 shotglasses we had at our table,although at the end of the night the unbroken glasses at the bottom of my bag was 9.

made our way to some club, ryan left early though, he was feeling rather unwell.

we got there, and i got a call, some party, so we made our way there, was not too bad, although the alcohol got the best of good sev, as once we arrived he spent the best part of the night spewing through his nose into jacks bin.

he sat with his arm around me most of the night, and although he was sitting down, he was having severe difficulty keeping himself up straight. sent the poor boy home early

crashed with campbell, sr was staying overnight also, didn't speak to him though, knew i would have mentioned the little 'incident' if i had.

next day talking to good sev on the phone, he told me about a conversation which he had with ryan that day, with ryan telling sev how awful he felt!sev went on to then describe in graphic detail the ordeal he suffered that night, and how ryan really did get off lucky....

had more of a quiet night last night. met with campbell, ryan, good sev, sarah,marie,matt,nicole and neil to go to the cinema.

napolean dynamite (is that even how you spell it?!) was alright. not as entertaining as it is made out to be though.

the guy from work just text me. wants to know if im in edinburgh. was planning to go, but feeling exhausted, and he wants to go out tonight, to go clubbing most likley,and also to have a drink with me, perhaps we should leave it untill the staff night.

one other holdback, tomorrow an old friend, who was my boss for three years, wants me to work for him, opening a new shop, but is having trouble getting it started.

still one last christmas present to give. anh, my oldest friend. she wants to buy me something, but is currently jobless and has almost no idea what to get me, however, ahe did send me this:

'what do u want 4 xmas? i need to know? a vibrator?!'

hm, has she been reading this?!

going out to a resturant with her soon (no, it is not what you think, tut, such childish thoughts) no special occasion, just thought it would be quite nice.

closing thought: work hard, party harder and work some more, and have a great new year people, i'll be working, pouring the alcohol,mixing the drinks and cleaning up after all you lot till 7 am. have a drink for me!

2004-12-27T14:25:00.000Z

cock suckng cowboy? sounds good.

fortunatley,so far have been able to successfuly stay away from the temptation of the ex, however, last night.....

walking home alone, i passed tthe ex boyfriends house. i don't mean David's, or any other man that i've had a thing with, i'm talking about him, the boy, who i was with for over a year, was almost engaged to and it took me two years to get over him, my first, the one person i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life.

so, walking and i heard someone call my name, who did i meet but pete, the boys oldest friend, he was going to the boys house. pete and i chatted, and he sauntred over and knocked the window of the boys house.

told him that he had found a 'ghost' i.e. moi, and the boy knew who it was and came out.

we did not talk much at first, but i cornered him and had to ask him if he was angry with me, he was'nt. what was strange is that even after three years i can still look him right in the eye and say whatever i want to, we were each others first's, loved like nothing else mattered, lost most of my friends, and almost my family for him.

slap from the past.

but looking at him, realised i was over him. however the reason i could make that claim was because i had forgotten. three years of not seeing each other, no matter how much he had affected my life, i had gradually forgotten him.

i do know somewhere that given he chance, i would feel just as strongly about him now as i did then, part of the reason i think we can never be friends i suppose. i simply could not handle it. being with him, but not being with him as i really would want to be. still today i do suffer the occational outbursts of tears when i think of him.....

pete wants to meet up while im still here sometime. and the boy acctually said goodbye to me last night.

new topic.

david texting again last night. wants to meet up and well, figure it out.
haven't gotten back to him on that point.

shall be enjoying a trip out tonight with sev and company, had to cancell last night, suffering severe hangover sickness all day.

dirty russian. now theres a shot that tastes like sex in a glass. highly reccommended for people enjoying the party season. can't quite recall whats in it though.

pondering whether or not to invest in a good vibrator.

bought one from some little machine in mork, gets the work done, but could be better.

just don't think im ready to walk up to the girl at the counter in ann summers and declare the fact that i wish to purchase the rampant rabbit vibrator. nor do i think its a good idea to have it 'secretly' delivered, because:

i may not be home, and someone else might have to recieve it on my behalf

brown packets are very suspicious, it is commonly thought that brown packages contain some kind of illegal bondage gear, or in most cases, hard core porn.

in any case, i wish everyone a merry christmas and a drunken new year ;)

2004-12-26T13:40:00.000Z

b**ch

not feelin too healthy, but promised i would be in town tonight with sev and ryan

think i spent alot of last night with one of my brothers friends?

pain in my stomach

got a missed call from the guy at wurk last night

would have answered, but drank untill i passed out

i won all of the many drinking competitions going last night, think i should be worried......

david. texting all night. had to tell him i was going to bed and that id text him in the morning to get some peace, mostly because it was becomming harder to see the screen and i couldn't quite work the phone......

so.out tonight. however unsure if i should see the ex tonight. my friends would kill me if i did,but who said they have to know?

2004-12-26T02:55:00.000Z

what??!!

argh, idon't think i can do this, really, god,so drunk!!!

advice!! please!!thank you!

XxX

2004-12-26T02:31:00.000Z

shit

okkay,um what the fuk????

andy is telling me he has an empty 2moro nite

and the guy from wurk who is currently texting me like theres no tomorrow wants me to go out for a drink and said to me (please 4give,im currently wasted)

'a good lookin weeegie like u single eh?'

like oh no f**k me, thats how it starts

all innoccent like yeah, im being nice, but its not like that

ok fuck it ooooooohhhhh!!! A and J text me tonight. J 'misses the chat in the flat' lol, feck, me too!!!

i really miss all ov them.A,J,and R, can't wait to see how their xmases went.

but seriously......

david wants to meet up, no guesses as to what he wants,

and the guy from wurk,

''i expect a new years kiss''

what? or more specificaly, what am i going to do?he's challenged me to a drinkin competition which i kno i'll win, honestly......

overall, it has been an eventful day, many people getting in contact and wanting to catch up. it's good to hear from them again though, miss many of them.

anyway, like i said, wastred and got to go

later

coments appreciated !!!!!!!!!!! Xx

2004-12-25T20:22:00.000Z

so yeah....

merry christmas

seasons greetings

yaya and all that

so hows everyone?

oooh got a computer for christmas, very pleased, cant quite figure out how to work it properly though.

frizz left work, gone home. sad to see her leave, good nite though, prepared somthings, little cocktail composed of tuna, sauce,tomato sauce,oil, salt,sugar, leftover bear etc,bits of bread,cocktail,mayonnaise.......

much more was needed to compose the cocktail, cant remember it though.

back for the holidays. went out with campbell,jill, mark, lawrence, was absolutley wasted, discovered a new love..........butterscotch schnapps.

orgasmic, and that is not in anyway an exaggeration.

out a few nights ago too. clubbing con mi amigos, some place,was wasted, couldnt quite make out where we were, saw sandra.

she cut off her hair. ALL of it.was so pretty long...

finaly met nicola's bitch too. not too bad.so cute together.

spent alot of the night dancing,met some guy who was there with his friends, among them however was his ex, who sat the entire night looking me up and down. didn't give a f**k, danced with him anyway. bitch.

found this amazing dancer. went through a few songs together.said our sweet goodbyes and parted feeling (on my part anyway) satisfied that i had enjoyed a chunk of hip hop music with a very good dancer.

was taken home at the end of the night. again

ooohhhh, of late, some gossip has come to light. to begin with, campbell slept with that guy he left with. apparently, he was like 40 or something..........

he has declared that he will not be going back

secondly, the night he came to visit me, he was late on the train. told me that he had gotten the wrong train and was heading in the other direction.

howver, turns out he had acctually met some guy on the train, and f**ked him too.

also. sr.

okay, did like him, for a time, that was untill he and a friend of mine got drunk, and got jiggy.
so yeah, was over it, blah blah untill the halloween party, where at the end of the night sr came to say goodbye, and kissed me. was like what the f**k??!!

thought nothing of it.

untill we went out, and jill confessed to me that in the same night that he slept with her, he implied that he had slept with me, said something along the lines of

'yeah, she's not the only pussy i had that night'

was none too happy to hear of this rather alarming load of bulls**t.

f**k me, DAVID my latest ex has text me today, haven't heard from him since we had fun and frolics in the park about three months ago. he was very friendly, too friendly, suggested a repeat performance.

first instinct, no don't even go there, but come on, it has been three months,and a girl has needs.................

talk it over with sev,meeting him tomorrow, been a long time,should be good fun.

ah, bang the ex or no? topic to ponder over for the next few days.....

2004-12-17T16:51:00.000Z

okayyyyyy.....

hes tall, dark hair and eyes, and i find him funny, but ive decided that somethings are better left as they are, and this is one of them...
my plans for thursday night were regrettably cancelled due to the events of wednesday night......

was home for about half an hour when my buzzer rang, it was campbell who decided he was taking me out.

swear, we were drunk before we left my house. bad start to the night, and procceded to drink in every pub on the way into town, i even pulled some guy, was wierd.

judging by the state of my knees, id say i fell over a few times, cuts on my hands, bruises all the way up my thighs...

so got to some club, bored and moved on to a gay/lez nightclub, bought even more drink, doubles all the way that kinda thing, left me in no fit state to be making judgements on people on how they look, by the end of the night i had:

* pulled some blonde girl

*pulled a brunette who i really didnt like. kept trying to leave, but she was really intent on me staying, so much so that i think i ran to escape at some point

*pulled a straight guy (quite nice, i think)

*pulled a stunning gay man who declared several times "oh my god, ur the best girl kiss iv'e had in about 10 years-i wish i was straight!"

*and can remember dancing with at least 3 men at once at various times during the night

meanwhile......... campbell left in a taxi with two men.......he called me the next day from an unknown number, was still at their house, but 'couldn't' talk at that time. gossip i feel needs to be shared on the events of that night.

the men were really nice, remember at one point he asked if me and campbell were brother and sister because we 'look out for each other'.

apparently, i got in at 5, don't remember though, think i got pissed off at the taxi driver for something. woke up in the morning. still drunk. think it's a good reflection of how drunk i must have been that night, no?

2004-12-14T16:58:00.000Z

my little pony hair clips, a bottle of vodka, packet of skittles, and a pink belt
C,B,F,M,R,J,A, and i decided to play secret santa a few weeks back. got my present form A, and it was really well thought out:

'my little pony' hairclips
always talk about ponies. Drunkenly staggered home one night and wrote on the fridge 'all i want for christmas is a .......PONY!'

bottle of vodka
trademark drink (also a component of 'lovejuice')

packet of skittles
essential component to the process of making 'lovejuice'

pink belt
rather pretty....

very much pleased.

had a dream last night that i was a pole dancing prostitute.think id make much money?

social life not happening at the moment, exams have forced suicidal tendancies onto my friends, lack of eating/overeating, lack of sleep/too much sleep, and no desire to lose it all in a bottle of vodka and some bouncy nightclub.

ok, what is it with me and my boss's? (is that how you write it?!)
once again i really like mt boss, so thought i was over that phase!

thing is, he's leaving in a few months......

BUT before that there will be a drunken staff night out....

BUT there's this 'new girl' who so obviously likes him.......

ah, what's a girl to do?

xx