FLAT!!
Sunday, May 08, 2005
we have a flat, C describes it as "perfect", but neither A or me has seen it yet. that viewing is saved untill wednesday.
Was considering going home to Glasgow though.... but i guess now im staying in edinburgh.
and oh yeah, i wandered edinburgh in my pjamas....
and no i wasnt drunk. the bar was having a pjama party, and i was sent out in my "kinky" silky pj's armed with perky (my little bear) with flyers.
the looks i was shot were irreplaceable. quality.
spent most of the night defending perky from the male bar staff who wanted her beaten up, and from three old men who wanted me to sell her to them.....
this is the new low my bar has reached. at the downstairs bar where i was working last night, there is a single ladies toilet, which gets alot of people pissed off as everyone takes too long.
well last night one girl took a little too long, and as she was comming out, two girls who had been waiting to go in, shoved her back into the toilet nd beat the shit out of her.
seriously, was awful, theres bouncers and bar staff everywhere, and still....
think thats why im so angry when i drink all the time. i get so pissed off at all the wankers etc in work that i cant be cheeky too, even a please and thank you would be nice. But apparently they dont know manners.....
and i cant even tell them to shut up when im clearly taking an order and they shove their hand in my face and say "i want..."
fuck what you want.
its s10's birthday today, and it was U's yesterday. U is 26 now and depressed about it. S10 is a healthy 19,
anyway. s10s brother is up, and for weeks he's wanted me to meet him, so i guess i better get dressed.....
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FLAT!!
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 4:00 PM
2 Mwah xXx
FUCKIN KNOB JOCKEYS!!!!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
WANKERS!!! They did it! that little cunt carried out his threat!! now i have to pay like £25!!! bastards, have they nothing better to do with their time?!
What do we pay taxes for? to have the police act like pussys and shy away from the real crimminals and instead pick on party goers?!!
CUNTS!!!! (refer to March 21st)
FUCKIN KNOB JOCKEYS!!!!
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FUCKIN KNOB JOCKEYS!!!!
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 5:01 AM
0 Mwah xXx
Day two......
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
And i feel myself failing dramatically.
NOT good....
this will be the last post for a few days, going back to my mums after i view some more flats with my ladies.....
I just dont know if i can keep this up! its day 2 and my head is pounding .its so sore. ok, well i guess i should go pack some things.....
mabey take some tablets.....
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Day two......
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 3:44 PM
0 Mwah xXx
On the subject of the Diet...
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
This is day one. And iv'e been strict.
Apparently this diet will make you lose 9 pounds in 11 days. Not the safest i know,
Light headedness and dizzyness are all expected side effects, but i simply do not have the patience to diet properly.
And i have to make this work.
I don't want to become the 'fat girl'. i was never fat as a child, just when my teens struck, Then i was modelling all the latest clothes in the Fat Girl's collection......
Okay, i'm not one of those girls who is skinny but thinks she's fat. slightly overweight would be the best way to describe it. And thanks in most part to excessive drinking and late night munchies.
So i'm taking controll. Or trying to . And its something that has to be done.
whenever im having a weak moment, ill log on and probably update.
In other news, we should be going to view a flat today, around 5.30 ish i think. and A has just come home, so its off to the flat asap.
and please people, DIET TIPS!!
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On the subject of the Diet...
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 4:12 PM
0 Mwah xXx
On the subject of the Diet...
This is day one. And iv'e been strict.
Apparently this diet will make you lose 9 pounds in 11 days. Not the safest i know,
Light headedness and dizzyness are all expected side effects, but i simply do not have the patience to diet properly.
And i have to make this work.
I don't want to become the 'fat girl'. i was never fat as a child, just when my teens struck, Then i was modelling all the latest clothes in the Fat Girl's collection......
Okay, i'm not one of those girls who is skinny but thinks she's fat. slightly overweight would be the best way to describe it. And thanks in most part to excessive drinking and late night munchies.
So i'm taking controll. Or trying to . And its something that has to be done.
whenever im having a weak moment, ill log on and probably update.
In other news, we should be going to view a flat today, around 5.30 ish i think. and A has just come home, so its off to the flat asap.
and please people, DIET TIPS!!
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On the subject of the Diet...
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 4:12 PM
0 Mwah xXx
The last night with Jenny...
We were there in abundance. Very few were missing. The entire bar staff, the DJ, the bouncers (and my sexy one)
As the earliest arrivers, we few sat outside on the benches. was a stunning summer night. Still light outside, but with overhanging clouds, and a slight chill, which prompted little Jenny to light what i can only describe as "heat lamps"
I let myself be persuaded to buy 'one drink', and make it last. as i went back outside, it was raining, and my party of people had moved themselves inside, all crowding round a stretched out table, designed to fit around twelve people, but not to accomodate our number of 18 or so....
even though we were inside, there was still a beautiful summer atmosphere. every now and then people would move to talk to other people, the contents of the table constantly shifting.
I sat with big jenny. and she laughed at my reaction when i saw him, my bouncer
i almost died. inside, i hoped he would come,but dreaded it at the same time.
When he came over and sat at our corner, he just smiled, and stared for a while, untill i shot him a look and asked him "what?!"
he laughed.
and spent most of the night talking to Jenny, which kinda killed me, but at the same time, i know that i wouldnt pull him, or do anything with him on the grounds that he's a wanker. and of course, that i would never trust him.....
I told her to pull him, so many times, but she said he 'didnt want to'. by this time i had had eight bottles of cider, each a pint and a half each, plus many of cavavs tequilla and coke. so i dont really rememberwhat happened after thet......
only that she wanted me to stay, but i felt the night would only become more boring. so she told me she'd miss me, and she'd text, and we said goodnight.
i wandered off. i had spent the night with many people. talking laughing, consuming their cigarettes which i wish i had never done, although to be fair only three.
got along rather well with linn, the new sweedish girl. dont remember alot by that time though..........
Missed a call from RH. i wondered what had happened to him.. last i heard he was going to a party with some girl from work who was really into him. Well, he at least called me last night..
so i wandered off home down through the streets of edinburgh, the night was clear but cold, and the people populating them, thoroughly drunk.
Relief when i got home, shunned my clothes and climbed into my bed. my bed, the best place....
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The last night with Jenny...
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 1:22 PM
0 Mwah xXx
Why WHy Why??!!
Did i have to get drunk?!
yet again im drunk. is it any suprise?
im always drunk.
okay. my sexy bouncer came out tonight. and helikes jenny. is it any wonder?
shes very pretty. just when he was hanging arond hr all night it made me realise that i have to seriously diet.
she knows hes my bouncer. but i told her its ok to plll him.
but really.......
why did i have to drink?! im so drunk rightt now!!
jenny was like`"dont go home, ill miss u!this is he lasr night we'll be together 4 a while and ill miss u!"
honestly?\i will miss her. but i guess every ne will.
oh, RH called tonight. i didnt answer cuz dint hear it. so much to write,but i cant see t he keys too well
later
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Why WHy Why??!!
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 1:53 AM
0 Mwah xXx
Calling All!!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Okay. I need help/support/encouragement/humiliation, whichever works best and i need it now.
I want to be happy with myself, and i'm not. The way i look kinda sucks to me, i don't like it.
I find to many faults,which i guess everyone does. I know i'll never be 'perfect', but i can try instead of letting myself go. this is where i need people. To enquire, to make me feel guilty if i cheat, just a response/feedback.
There are three main things i want to achieve, the first, biggest and most important
lose weight.
I'm not being 'paranoid' that im 'fat' or anything. But seriously i wanted to lose about a stone and a half before, but due to unneccesary excessive intake of alcohol i gained a stone and a half. Ironic huh?
So altogether, about three stone. to do this i have to
* Diet (grrrrr....)
*Go to the gym (fuccckkkkk........)
*Get a personal trainer ( I'm sorry, but my will power does not extend to being obedient to the demands of the gym!)
That is basically my goal in the next few months. To try as hard as possible. And i'm resolved. I must get there, to add to everything is my fear that i might be like my mum, who is (and i hate saying this,) overweight, and is very unhappy about it. But the older she got the harder it was for her to lose weight, and i dont want to become stuck like that.
Plus with my other two things (tan from the annual family holiday, and to get my hair done) I want to slap my ex's right in the face. for no reason except to be bitchy. It's the least they deserve.
And thats where i need people, anon if you wish, but seriously, hints/tips just anything to keep me going on this!
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Calling All!!
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 5:39 AM
0 Mwah xXx
One more night won't kill me.....
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Isn't that the saying of like an alcoholic? or drug addict?
Well, it's currently my phrase. Having a goodbye thingy for some people in work. Should be an extremely good night out.
Wasn't planning to go....... That was untill Jenny pestered me non stop untill i agreed. Then i said i would refrain from th lure of alcohol
She is not pleased at that, and has sworn to get me drunk.
I know, wrong, shouldn't do it, etc. The sexy bouncer may even be there!
Currently a slow but peaceful day. If it wasn't so cloudy, the sun would be shining so much. Sitting at the window. Curtains open and the window opened fully looking out onto the familiar graveyard which doesn;t seem so bad after months of looking at it from my window every morning.
In a sort of Britney mood, like all her slower songs, 'Im not a girl,' 'Born to make you happy' etc.
Watched a movie about nuns today. i always remember wanting to be a nun when i was younger, but my mum would not allow it as it is a catholic practice, and she is very much protestant.
Going back to the gym soon too. Yup im dreading it, but it has to be done, even thinking of investing in a personel trainer.
I'm kinda in the 'nun' frame of mind. Don't want anything to do with men, or drink, smoking or whatever. Just want to be reserved for a while. I'm just so used to being out there, loud and crazy.......
Going to try and settle for a while. Mabey it was seeing CH, and her six months pregnant stomach. I don't want to be an old mum, but sometimes i don't want to be a mum at all.
Also like I hope to be married, but i sort of want to stilll be single and independent later in life.
Sometimes i want to love someone like i loved The Boy, and other times im proud to be able to live without one.
Speaking of The Boy, my mum has been speaking to him. He hangs around the little park, that was once our spot when we were together. For some reason lots of memebers of my family have been seeing him.
"yeah Angel, we saw The Boy today...."
My mum asked me yesterday
"someone told me this, is it true that The Boy used to shout at you and make you give him money from work?"
Yup
"he was always far too rough with you, wait untill i speak to him again, im going to say to him....."
She doesnt understand though. He was rough, but he was also nice when he wanted to be. And i was always perfectly willling to do whatever he asked.
I once spent £80 for a gameboy he wanted. Of course, i never got the money back, and my mum never found out. If she had, she would kill me.
Thats something else about loving someone, you neglect everything else for him.
I lost most of my friends. Almost lost my family.. All for one boy. Well i did firmly believe we would be together for ever.
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One more night won't kill me.....
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 5:29 PM
1 Mwah xXx
So just home from work again. Saw the sexy bouncer. He cornered me and we had a little play fight when we thought we were alone.
Of course, some people saw. They disapprove. Most people agree that he is probably a Bitch. I think he most likley is too, yet I can't stop myself liking him.
I know nothing can come of it-it's harmless flirting. If something did happen between us and it got nasty, one of us would have to leave, and no man is driving me out of my job.
Mabey it's the "Bad Boy" appeal. I know he more than likley is very bad for me-one not to be approached. But its his sexy accent, his nice hands, hair, cute little smile...... and he's tall! big time imoprtant. and older.
However, still there lingers a feeling that the entire bar would know of our bedroom antics, and the people in his other job would also hear of the tales. And of course, not forgetting the drunken women throwing themselves at him all the time.
And the encouragement from the other bouncers to "get in there" with some random slut who gives out her number.
To be honest, most people find neglect a slight turn on, well, perhaps not a turn on, but it makes people more desperate and they try to cling onto their relationship. It's like recieving a gift.
Unpackaged gifts, no wrapping or box, just there in front of you, is like a man who is openly honest and hides no secrets. You still get the gift, but the "Bad Boy" gifts, (although the same inside) has more appeal.
Its packaged and boxed. You don't know whats inside. It's the anticipation of getting through all the wrapping to reveal the gift inside is almost too much, and the shiny paper and fancy box make it almost look better than the nice unpackaged gift, even although the packaged gift may not be as nice as the unpackaged.
While the nice boys are right there, the Bad Boys put on a front, like the wrapping paper, which you want to get through and are desperate to get inside.
That really did appeal to me at one point. Not now.
I really just want a nice boy. For some reason, although I don't know him, this man i thought was perfect. Today the park with CH, some guy jogged past and smiled. Thought nothing except, wow, hes cute.
20 minuites or so later he joggged past again and said hi. so I said hello back.
walking out of the park he appeared again, and we both looked at each other and sort of laughed a mutual laugh- i don't even know why we laughed, we just did.
It was just like a wierd click.. we didn't speak, but i felt i liked him, and he liked me.
There was no slurred and pathetic chat up lines. No leering, groping, forcefulness,misinterpretations of 'no'.........
It was just nice. A stunning summer day, with the jogger.
I smiled all the way home because of that. And all the way on the train. And all the way to my house from there. And all the way to work from there...........
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Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 5:35 AM
0 Mwah xXx
Revenge of the Ex
Friday, April 29, 2005
ok, WTF?! i have to go through all this crazy stuff and can't get onto blogger!!
yup. he has slightly pissed me off.
during my "last night drunk so lets get as pissed as possible" night, HE (RH) called me
"hey angel, just to say, um don't call me tonight because GG (ex) is here and shes drinking"
again WTF?! why is he telling me this?
theroy of the party "hes trying to make you jelous"
my theroy: i have no idea
then he called me again a few nights later. started rambling about how some girl in work gave him her number on a tissue with lipstick marks and "call me" on it.
and oh, to add to this GG drank the remaining half bottle or so of vodka i left at his house. bastard.
saw CH too. even though he is her brother, she seriously dislikes him. Even more so now because he pissed me off...
Revenge of the Ex
Kissed By Tainted Angel: Tainted Angel at 8:44 PM
0 Mwah xXx